Tuesday, 24 December 2013
All I want for Christmas
Is for my Grandma to get better. If there is a God out there, I pray to you, I beg you, please make her better again.
Sunday, 22 December 2013
Life Update
It's been a long time since my last life update, or even blog post for that matter. I've felt the urge to write many times, but somehow never managed to put fingers to keyboard (modern version of pen to paper). I guess I just don't know what to write, or how to articulate my feelings anymore. All I know how to write these days it seems is emails.
I'm going to start off my life update by telling you about the news that finally got me to write this post. I just got off the phone with my dad, and he has informed me that my grandmother's condition has visibly deteriorated. Its been exactly 3 years since she was diagnosed with lung cancer, and for a while, we all thought she was going to beat it. Usually if the person is still present after 2 years, its a very good sign. But I guess the sickness and the treatment combined just took too much of a toll on her body, and now her health is deteriorating fast and things are looking bleak. She has already moved back to XiAn with my grandad and uncle, as it is their wish for this city to be their final resting place.
I hope that there is still hope. When she was first diagnosed, the doctor gave her 6 months, and now its been 3 years. Who's to say she can't beat the odds again? I really hope that some miracle can happen and she would be alright again, and go on to live at least another 10, 20 years. I mean she's only 72, she still has many years ahead of her. She still has to see me get my first proper job and tell me how proud of me she is. She still has to see me get married and give us her blessings. She still has to hold her first great grandchild and giver him/her a name. I still want to be able to play cards with her. I still want to be able to eat her cooking. I still want to be able to watch TV with her or just take a stroll outside.
I know I am fortunate to still have all of my grandparents present at my age, compared to people around me. I've also never lost someone close to me. Sometimes, I would actually wonder what it would feel like to lose someone close. Well, fuck that. I don't think I ever want to experience it, even though I know that as I grow older it becomes an inevitable part of life. Whether it be death or heartbreak, I know that somewhere down the road, I'm going to go through the emotional turmoil of losing a part of me. I don't really think about it, but in the back of my head, I know its a fact of life, just like how one day I'm going to die too. The thought of me dying on a hospital bed surrounded by my family when im old and grey doesn't particularly scare me. What scares me is dying in a tragic or horrible accident, especially a plane crash. Knowing you're about to die a horrible and painful death as you plummet 10 thousand meters into the ocean/land fucking terrifies me. This is why I have a fear of flying.
I wonder if it gets easier, you know, accepting loss. Perhaps as I grow older, and I experience all these things, perhaps more than once, it will become easier as I fully understand (not just know rationally) that it is a part of life, and that we just gotta take the bitter with the sweet. I wonder.
Anyways, enough about death, this is a LIFE update! So in terms of other things that are going on in my life, well, it's been 10 months since I arrived in Melbourne. In this short (long?) period, I feel I have really grown fond of this city, from the people to the architecture to the food to the trams. The only thing I still can't get used to is the fickleness of the weather. It literally can be 4 seasons in one day, or at least in one week. But other than that, I love Melbourne, and I think I will be staying here for a while longer. My contract at the EPA has been extended on a month to month basis, so I will be here at least for another few months. With the added experience and money, I also have a greater chance of finding a more permanent job in Melbourne, although I'm still open to the idea of living in other big cities.
In terms of my job, I am working 3 paid days a week, and on the other 2 days I often come into the office anyways to learn more stuff. I quite enjoy what I do, and the work environment is generally very friendly and relaxed. I wouldn't quite say this is my ideal job, especially given the area of work that I'm paid to do, but it's pretty close to it. I find the work very challenging, as it is mostly project management, but at the same time its allowing me to develop a set of new skills.
In other news, I have finally graduated! I don't really want to drown you with my sentiments here, but it has been a really tough year, in particular this last semester. Towards exam/assignment hand in period, I was working 3 days a week and still having to deal with 4 subjects. On top of that, I came down with a really nasty flu with 1 big assignment to go. It was the first time I truly felt the pain of living away from my family. I had to look after myself, cook for myself, and still do my assignment, while having a fever, body aches, cough, and bleeding nose. And I had to go to a job interview.
Needless to say, it was probably one of the toughest periods in my life. I felt like giving up many times, but somehow I managed to pull through, like I always do. But my grades did take a hit this semester, and I ended up averaging 87 across the whole year (first semester was borderline 90). I still got First Class Honours in the end, and this year has turned out to be my best academic performance so far. I feel like I have finally proved to myself, and my parents, what my true potential is. Im glad that after a disastrous Bachelor's degree, I have been able to turn things around and finish everything on a high note. It just goes to show, it's never too late to turn your life around.
Of course, I still have a long way to go. This is only the end of the beginning, for I still have to work hard for another 10, 20 years to reach anywhere respectable in my career. However at this moment, I am just content to bathe in the feeling of having no assignments to do. If you haven't already stopped reading or fallen asleep, here are some graduation photos to break up the monotony of my words:
Wow this has been a long post. To conclude this life update (and to make the post even longer), here are some photos of Melbourne:
I'm going to start off my life update by telling you about the news that finally got me to write this post. I just got off the phone with my dad, and he has informed me that my grandmother's condition has visibly deteriorated. Its been exactly 3 years since she was diagnosed with lung cancer, and for a while, we all thought she was going to beat it. Usually if the person is still present after 2 years, its a very good sign. But I guess the sickness and the treatment combined just took too much of a toll on her body, and now her health is deteriorating fast and things are looking bleak. She has already moved back to XiAn with my grandad and uncle, as it is their wish for this city to be their final resting place.
I hope that there is still hope. When she was first diagnosed, the doctor gave her 6 months, and now its been 3 years. Who's to say she can't beat the odds again? I really hope that some miracle can happen and she would be alright again, and go on to live at least another 10, 20 years. I mean she's only 72, she still has many years ahead of her. She still has to see me get my first proper job and tell me how proud of me she is. She still has to see me get married and give us her blessings. She still has to hold her first great grandchild and giver him/her a name. I still want to be able to play cards with her. I still want to be able to eat her cooking. I still want to be able to watch TV with her or just take a stroll outside.
I know I am fortunate to still have all of my grandparents present at my age, compared to people around me. I've also never lost someone close to me. Sometimes, I would actually wonder what it would feel like to lose someone close. Well, fuck that. I don't think I ever want to experience it, even though I know that as I grow older it becomes an inevitable part of life. Whether it be death or heartbreak, I know that somewhere down the road, I'm going to go through the emotional turmoil of losing a part of me. I don't really think about it, but in the back of my head, I know its a fact of life, just like how one day I'm going to die too. The thought of me dying on a hospital bed surrounded by my family when im old and grey doesn't particularly scare me. What scares me is dying in a tragic or horrible accident, especially a plane crash. Knowing you're about to die a horrible and painful death as you plummet 10 thousand meters into the ocean/land fucking terrifies me. This is why I have a fear of flying.
I wonder if it gets easier, you know, accepting loss. Perhaps as I grow older, and I experience all these things, perhaps more than once, it will become easier as I fully understand (not just know rationally) that it is a part of life, and that we just gotta take the bitter with the sweet. I wonder.
Anyways, enough about death, this is a LIFE update! So in terms of other things that are going on in my life, well, it's been 10 months since I arrived in Melbourne. In this short (long?) period, I feel I have really grown fond of this city, from the people to the architecture to the food to the trams. The only thing I still can't get used to is the fickleness of the weather. It literally can be 4 seasons in one day, or at least in one week. But other than that, I love Melbourne, and I think I will be staying here for a while longer. My contract at the EPA has been extended on a month to month basis, so I will be here at least for another few months. With the added experience and money, I also have a greater chance of finding a more permanent job in Melbourne, although I'm still open to the idea of living in other big cities.
In terms of my job, I am working 3 paid days a week, and on the other 2 days I often come into the office anyways to learn more stuff. I quite enjoy what I do, and the work environment is generally very friendly and relaxed. I wouldn't quite say this is my ideal job, especially given the area of work that I'm paid to do, but it's pretty close to it. I find the work very challenging, as it is mostly project management, but at the same time its allowing me to develop a set of new skills.
In other news, I have finally graduated! I don't really want to drown you with my sentiments here, but it has been a really tough year, in particular this last semester. Towards exam/assignment hand in period, I was working 3 days a week and still having to deal with 4 subjects. On top of that, I came down with a really nasty flu with 1 big assignment to go. It was the first time I truly felt the pain of living away from my family. I had to look after myself, cook for myself, and still do my assignment, while having a fever, body aches, cough, and bleeding nose. And I had to go to a job interview.
Needless to say, it was probably one of the toughest periods in my life. I felt like giving up many times, but somehow I managed to pull through, like I always do. But my grades did take a hit this semester, and I ended up averaging 87 across the whole year (first semester was borderline 90). I still got First Class Honours in the end, and this year has turned out to be my best academic performance so far. I feel like I have finally proved to myself, and my parents, what my true potential is. Im glad that after a disastrous Bachelor's degree, I have been able to turn things around and finish everything on a high note. It just goes to show, it's never too late to turn your life around.
Of course, I still have a long way to go. This is only the end of the beginning, for I still have to work hard for another 10, 20 years to reach anywhere respectable in my career. However at this moment, I am just content to bathe in the feeling of having no assignments to do. If you haven't already stopped reading or fallen asleep, here are some graduation photos to break up the monotony of my words:
On another note, as you know, the real reason I came to Melbourne is to discover and pursue my culinary career. I have had some requests (from Simon) to post up photos of my masterpieces, so without further a due:
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| Marinated steak with risone pasta |
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| Marinated steak with spring rolls and steamed veges |
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| Tomato vege noodle soup with cajun chicken thigh fillets |
I have also made a lot of chinese food, but I never seem to remember to take pictures of them :/
The last piece of news is that my girlfriend came to Melbourne for a week at the end of November on her way back to China. It had been 4 months since we last saw each other, and it most likely won't be till Easter 2014 that we'll see each other again. I was the happiest I had been in a while (4 months) when she was here, and like all good things, the week went by in a flash. The fact that I had to work 3 of those days didn't help either. But it was a good week nonetheless. I guess that's the best part about long distance - that period when you see each other again. It's like the best time of your life. However, that's only 5% of the time; the other 95% is just hell, which is why LDR is still fucking shit. Sometimes the pain becomes almost unbearable, but I guess there's really nothing you can do about it, so you just deal with it (which usually means distracting yourself from it). In a way, i guess i'm almost used to it (if one can ever be). I mean, in the 16 months that we've been together, 12 of those was spent apart. It's like being single most of the time but having a girlfriend occasionally from time to time. It's clearly not an ideal situation, but I know how I feel about her and I think in the long term, it will be worth it. Just over one year to go till she graduates...Anyways, here are a few snaps we took in Geelong to keep you entertained:
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| From the top floor of the state library |
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| An empty tram! |
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| From the window of a corporate office |
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| Melbourne on a dark moody day |
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| A shot of the same day from other side |
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| Panoramic view |
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| Yellow, green, and red leaves in my backyard framed by a beautiful blue sky |
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| Another empty tram! I love it when its just me on the tram |
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| Euro Beer Cafe half price Mondays! So massive and so delicious... |
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| Drinking european beer with my european friends ;) |
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| Me under a boabab tree! |
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| Our office when its empty! |
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| Office shenanigans with my fellow interns :) |
Tuesday, 19 November 2013
My last Masterpiece
I've had my ups and downs,
My fair share of bumpy roads and heavy winds.
That's what made me what I am today.
Now I stand before you.
What you see is an intellect crafted to perfection.
A pair of lobes engineered to defy the laws of academics,
And a mindset to master the most epic of essays.
Last assignment ever, come at me bro.
My fair share of bumpy roads and heavy winds.
That's what made me what I am today.
Now I stand before you.
What you see is an intellect crafted to perfection.
A pair of lobes engineered to defy the laws of academics,
And a mindset to master the most epic of essays.
Last assignment ever, come at me bro.
Sunday, 10 November 2013
Friday, 1 November 2013
I've got to write 5000 words in the next 5 days
Shits hit the fan and im pretty screwed, but listening to this song makes me feel alright.
Saturday, 19 October 2013
非诚勿扰
我一直是一个浪漫主义者。我一直向往找到属于自己的一片爱情和幸福，这就是我对生活最大的追求之一。所以非诚勿扰是我以来一直非常喜欢的一个节目。虽然我觉得爱情和感情是通过时间来培养的，但是第一眼的感觉也很重要。所以虽然在一个节目里十几分钟不可能就知道你愿不愿意和一个人恋爱，可是这是个创造机会，并且带有浪漫的一个好平台。
这两天我又开始使劲的看非诚勿扰。也许是因为学习和工作的压力的原因，也许是因为我想念我自己心里的那位女神。我为了追求属于我自己的爱情已经奋斗了好多年了。经过了很多的挫折和失败之后，一年前，我终于找到了属于我的感情。我以为我可以终于开始享受二人世界，过着幸福的生活。
可是生活的幽默感是多么的残忍。在我们交往了14个月里，只有四个月是真正的在一起。幸福的时间永远是那么短暂，那么的bittersweet，那么的可望而不可即。当然这也让我们在一起的时间更加的珍贵和特殊，可是我真正想要的是两个人一起过日子的感受。
所以每当看到男嘉宾牵到了心仪的女嘉宾，都感觉非常的羡慕。尤其是我比较喜欢或者欣赏的女嘉宾，都会感到感动和一点难过哈哈。今天之前在看这个月播出的节目时，发现我一直欣赏的14号吴子恩不在了，就想她是否被牵走了。youtube搜了之后，找到了那集。原来他被我们西安的一个很真诚的帅小伙给牵走了。吴子恩经常被选为心动女生，可是男嘉宾们从未有坚持过他们的决定。这个西安小伙是第一个选她为心动女生，而并且也坚持他的选择，尽管吴子恩已灭了灯。他这样表现他的感情和诚意，深深地打动了吴子恩，所以决定跟他走。当时的画面很浪漫，很感人，给我留下了深刻的印象。
我真正想说的就是，我的坚持让我得到了在我心中是女神的女孩，可是我却未能享受我所渴望的幸福。 我对这一点抱怨了生命，也抱怨了我自己，为何做出了出国的决定？可是，我至今还是觉得这是对的决定，因为我要成为一个优秀的男人，这样才能将来给她创造更好的条件。我希望我做出的决定经过时间的考验，仍然会是对的。我希望后年等她硕士毕业了，我们的二人生活就可以终于开始了。虽然还要坚持一年多的异地恋，可是我觉得只要将来能在一起，还是值得的。我希望现在我们的等待，牺牲，和痛苦，都是值得的。我觉得难以得来的东西，才让人们懂得去珍惜；品尝了痛苦的滋味，才懂得什么叫幸福。我相信，只要有付出，就有应当的回报。
这两天我又开始使劲的看非诚勿扰。也许是因为学习和工作的压力的原因，也许是因为我想念我自己心里的那位女神。我为了追求属于我自己的爱情已经奋斗了好多年了。经过了很多的挫折和失败之后，一年前，我终于找到了属于我的感情。我以为我可以终于开始享受二人世界，过着幸福的生活。
可是生活的幽默感是多么的残忍。在我们交往了14个月里，只有四个月是真正的在一起。幸福的时间永远是那么短暂，那么的bittersweet，那么的可望而不可即。当然这也让我们在一起的时间更加的珍贵和特殊，可是我真正想要的是两个人一起过日子的感受。
所以每当看到男嘉宾牵到了心仪的女嘉宾，都感觉非常的羡慕。尤其是我比较喜欢或者欣赏的女嘉宾，都会感到感动和一点难过哈哈。今天之前在看这个月播出的节目时，发现我一直欣赏的14号吴子恩不在了，就想她是否被牵走了。youtube搜了之后，找到了那集。原来他被我们西安的一个很真诚的帅小伙给牵走了。吴子恩经常被选为心动女生，可是男嘉宾们从未有坚持过他们的决定。这个西安小伙是第一个选她为心动女生，而并且也坚持他的选择，尽管吴子恩已灭了灯。他这样表现他的感情和诚意，深深地打动了吴子恩，所以决定跟他走。当时的画面很浪漫，很感人，给我留下了深刻的印象。
我真正想说的就是，我的坚持让我得到了在我心中是女神的女孩，可是我却未能享受我所渴望的幸福。 我对这一点抱怨了生命，也抱怨了我自己，为何做出了出国的决定？可是，我至今还是觉得这是对的决定，因为我要成为一个优秀的男人，这样才能将来给她创造更好的条件。我希望我做出的决定经过时间的考验，仍然会是对的。我希望后年等她硕士毕业了，我们的二人生活就可以终于开始了。虽然还要坚持一年多的异地恋，可是我觉得只要将来能在一起，还是值得的。我希望现在我们的等待，牺牲，和痛苦，都是值得的。我觉得难以得来的东西，才让人们懂得去珍惜；品尝了痛苦的滋味，才懂得什么叫幸福。我相信，只要有付出，就有应当的回报。
Update on Melbourne
So I got my first paycheck yesterday. It's not much but it felt pretty good to finally be earning money. I've dreamed of this day for quite a while now and for me personally, its a big achievement. I know many people have been earning money since they were 15, but all the money I've ever received were either from working for my parents or student allowance from studylink. This is the first time I've received money from an outside source for my hard work, and it truly feels rewarding.
However working at least 20hrs a week and studying full time is really taking its toll on me. I'm stressed as hell but often I just don't have the energy or capacity to do anymore learning after a days work. I felt literally brain dead on Wednesday after 6 hrs of work and 3 hrs of class, all on 6 hrs sleep the previous night. Life is really hard at the moment and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get through the next 3 weeks.
Also lately I've been feeling really lonely. I constantly crave attention or companionship, but I just don't really have people that I can just text and hang out with like I have in Auckland. I only have 2 close friends here which I can hang out on a constant basis, but its not like I can see them all the time, so I'm still by myself most of the time.
I think the long distance is really getting to me as well. I feel like I'm close to reaching the breaking point where I can't handle being away from her any longer. Especially in stressful times like this, not having her by my side to support and care for me makes things even harder.
I'm coming to realise more and more lately that I am a person that enjoys social interaction. I used to think that I was slightly introverted, but now I feel like I thrive off of companionship and socialising with people, and find it hard to be alone. This may have something do to with the fact that usually alone time means study time, and thus I associate negative emotions with being by myself. I don't know. What I do know is that I'm stressed and I'm lonely and I don't know how much more of this I can take.
But this is such a critical period and so much pressure and hope and dreams is dependent on the next 3 weeks, I really can't afford to fuck this up. My history has shown that I was never a particularly strong or disciplined person, but I guess now is as good a time as any to prove that wrong once and for all. Just one more month and then it's all over. It's time to show my true fighting spirit!
However working at least 20hrs a week and studying full time is really taking its toll on me. I'm stressed as hell but often I just don't have the energy or capacity to do anymore learning after a days work. I felt literally brain dead on Wednesday after 6 hrs of work and 3 hrs of class, all on 6 hrs sleep the previous night. Life is really hard at the moment and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get through the next 3 weeks.
Also lately I've been feeling really lonely. I constantly crave attention or companionship, but I just don't really have people that I can just text and hang out with like I have in Auckland. I only have 2 close friends here which I can hang out on a constant basis, but its not like I can see them all the time, so I'm still by myself most of the time.
I think the long distance is really getting to me as well. I feel like I'm close to reaching the breaking point where I can't handle being away from her any longer. Especially in stressful times like this, not having her by my side to support and care for me makes things even harder.
I'm coming to realise more and more lately that I am a person that enjoys social interaction. I used to think that I was slightly introverted, but now I feel like I thrive off of companionship and socialising with people, and find it hard to be alone. This may have something do to with the fact that usually alone time means study time, and thus I associate negative emotions with being by myself. I don't know. What I do know is that I'm stressed and I'm lonely and I don't know how much more of this I can take.
But this is such a critical period and so much pressure and hope and dreams is dependent on the next 3 weeks, I really can't afford to fuck this up. My history has shown that I was never a particularly strong or disciplined person, but I guess now is as good a time as any to prove that wrong once and for all. Just one more month and then it's all over. It's time to show my true fighting spirit!
Friday, 18 October 2013
How to summon the polaroid fairy
1. Be attractive
2. Be female
3. Have a birthday celebration (even if it's not your birthday)
4. Have lots of free food available
5. Call his name and he will appear with a brand new polaroid.
2. Be female
3. Have a birthday celebration (even if it's not your birthday)
4. Have lots of free food available
5. Call his name and he will appear with a brand new polaroid.
Saturday, 12 October 2013
Mum, Dad, have I finally made you proud yet?
I think there is one thing that every son and daughter have in common, and that is the desire to make their parents proud. No matter whether it's getting a sticker for good behavior or getting a 6 figure job, we all want to watch our parents faces light up and see their eyes fill with pride. No matter whether you're a homeless person or the president of the USA, on some level, at some point in your life, you wished to make your parents proud of your achievements.
I'm sure a psychologist will break down and rationalise this innate desire that we all possess, and provide some reasoning behind this. But who gives a shit; the point is, we all feel it.
We all struggle to deal with our parents expectations. Some are better at dealing with it than others, and have found some form of balance or middle ground. Others are pressured or forced into doing things that conflict with their own interests and desires.
For me personally, I have been fortunate enough that I was never forced into doing anything I don't like. However, the need to live up to my parents expectations has always tormented me ever since my teenage years. Maybe it's the scar between my dads brow which makes it look like its constantly furrowed and that hes always angry or displeased, but I've always felt a desperate desire to make him happy. This often comes into conflict with my desire to make myself happy, and this has resulted in drama on numerous occassions (as some of you probably know). I guess I have father issues?
Either way, I've always wanted to make my parents proud, but my achievements always seem to get outdone by my failures. I would have one small achievement, give them hope, and then let them down even more. But being parents, they never quite give up on you, and will cling on to any bit of hope you give them. So when I announced that I wanted to study in Melbourne, even though it would cost $25k in fees alone, they happily paid it for me. I guess for them as parents, they wanted to reassure themselves that they did their best. The rest was up to me.
But even coming to Melbourne, being able to cook and look after myself while getting good academic results wasn't good enough for them. I still didn't have a job.
I would dread the phone call home every weekend because I know the topic would inevitably fall on my job hunt. The pressure was quite intense and sometimes I thought I wouldn't be able to hack it. I asked them when would I ever be able to satisfy them, when would they finally be content with my achievements, and the answer was that when I had a job.
Well recently, I found a job with the EPA which I am currently interning at. It's only a temporary position and it's just for 3 days a week, but hopefully it will turn into something more permanent in the future. The good news is, I actually like going to work, and the pay is good. The bad news is, I have to work up to 24 hrs a week while still managing a full study workload.
When I got the job, I was really happy. I was happy that I could finally make some money, that finally someone decided to give me a chance to show my true potential, that finally I found a job related to what i study. But the thought that seemed to predominate my mind was: Mum, Dad, have I finally made you proud yet?
I'm sure a psychologist will break down and rationalise this innate desire that we all possess, and provide some reasoning behind this. But who gives a shit; the point is, we all feel it.
We all struggle to deal with our parents expectations. Some are better at dealing with it than others, and have found some form of balance or middle ground. Others are pressured or forced into doing things that conflict with their own interests and desires.
For me personally, I have been fortunate enough that I was never forced into doing anything I don't like. However, the need to live up to my parents expectations has always tormented me ever since my teenage years. Maybe it's the scar between my dads brow which makes it look like its constantly furrowed and that hes always angry or displeased, but I've always felt a desperate desire to make him happy. This often comes into conflict with my desire to make myself happy, and this has resulted in drama on numerous occassions (as some of you probably know). I guess I have father issues?
Either way, I've always wanted to make my parents proud, but my achievements always seem to get outdone by my failures. I would have one small achievement, give them hope, and then let them down even more. But being parents, they never quite give up on you, and will cling on to any bit of hope you give them. So when I announced that I wanted to study in Melbourne, even though it would cost $25k in fees alone, they happily paid it for me. I guess for them as parents, they wanted to reassure themselves that they did their best. The rest was up to me.
But even coming to Melbourne, being able to cook and look after myself while getting good academic results wasn't good enough for them. I still didn't have a job.
I would dread the phone call home every weekend because I know the topic would inevitably fall on my job hunt. The pressure was quite intense and sometimes I thought I wouldn't be able to hack it. I asked them when would I ever be able to satisfy them, when would they finally be content with my achievements, and the answer was that when I had a job.
Well recently, I found a job with the EPA which I am currently interning at. It's only a temporary position and it's just for 3 days a week, but hopefully it will turn into something more permanent in the future. The good news is, I actually like going to work, and the pay is good. The bad news is, I have to work up to 24 hrs a week while still managing a full study workload.
When I got the job, I was really happy. I was happy that I could finally make some money, that finally someone decided to give me a chance to show my true potential, that finally I found a job related to what i study. But the thought that seemed to predominate my mind was: Mum, Dad, have I finally made you proud yet?
Wednesday, 9 October 2013
Thursday, 3 October 2013
Some gloomy thoughts
Spent the last 3 hours reading about American serial-killers after watching Silence of the Lambs. Now I've been left feeling traumatised and have completely lost faith in humanity. What's most scary is that many of these killers look and behave like normal people, so you had no idea that inside they were depraved and completely fucked up. What's more incredulous is that they are still treated like human beings after being convicted, despite everything they've done. They are interviewed, allowed to see family, dress up nicely in suits and everything. It's like they're perfectly human, yet inside they're monsters. They seem to have no trouble killing, mutilating, and dismembering their victims. Some of them even perform necrophilia.
But then again, we decapitate the heads off fish, squash ants, butcher cows and sheep and eat their meat, skin animals while they're still alive to take their fur, all like its a normal part of life. The only difference between us and serial killers seems to be that we don't do it to our own species. Yet people kill each other all the time, in the name of God, in the name of country, or even in the name of peace. If you really think about it, human beings are fucked up and the nature of reality is cruel. It's a bloody violent world where life and death are constantly happening and survival of the fittest is the only true law that every living organism abides by.
I guess im just in a gloomy mood today. There are obviously also many beautiful and redeeming features of this world. To delve into the dark side of it all and truly understand the cruel nature of reality would drive any human being mad. I guess that's why they say ignorance is bliss.
But seriously, we live in a fucked up world with dangers all around us and people need to be aware of these risks. Im not saying that you should live life constantly in fear of everything so much that it will prevent you from enjoying it (cause wouldn't that be a fate worse than death?), but you can never be too careful. Sometimes life or death rests in one simple decision.
But then again, we decapitate the heads off fish, squash ants, butcher cows and sheep and eat their meat, skin animals while they're still alive to take their fur, all like its a normal part of life. The only difference between us and serial killers seems to be that we don't do it to our own species. Yet people kill each other all the time, in the name of God, in the name of country, or even in the name of peace. If you really think about it, human beings are fucked up and the nature of reality is cruel. It's a bloody violent world where life and death are constantly happening and survival of the fittest is the only true law that every living organism abides by.
I guess im just in a gloomy mood today. There are obviously also many beautiful and redeeming features of this world. To delve into the dark side of it all and truly understand the cruel nature of reality would drive any human being mad. I guess that's why they say ignorance is bliss.
But seriously, we live in a fucked up world with dangers all around us and people need to be aware of these risks. Im not saying that you should live life constantly in fear of everything so much that it will prevent you from enjoying it (cause wouldn't that be a fate worse than death?), but you can never be too careful. Sometimes life or death rests in one simple decision.
Wednesday, 25 September 2013
And so another batch of eager young cookies venture out into the world, hungry to make their mark
Lol so my FB feed has been rather molested today by graduation statuses and photos. It nice to see everyone so happy and full of hopeful, and all this hype about graduation is making me excited about my own imminent graduation.
In less than 2 months I will have finished all my assessments for my Masters. Its been a long and rocky journey, but it seems like I will be emerging from the other side rather unscathed. Maybe this time I will finally don the graduation gown and join in the festivities as I feel like I actually have something worth celebrating about. My Bachelors of Science was tragic enough to warrant a Shakespeare play written after it and I wish I could erase it from the memories of this world, but I can't. What's done has been done. I will have to live with my mistakes for the rest of my life because your uni grades are for life. However im glad that I've still managed to turn things around somewhat in the last two years, so I haven't thrown my life away completely. I guess it goes to show that its never too late to turn your life around.
I am excited about graduating because of the uncertainties and the possibilities that will follow. No matter what I choose to do now, Im pretty much on my own and will have to find a way to support myself. No matter what I will end up doing next year, be it working or doing a PhD, this marks the end of another chapter of my life. I feel thankful for the second chance life has given me, allowing me to do Postgrad, and then Masters at Melbourne. I am also thankful for my parents continuous support, no matter what choices I make (as long as they're good).
I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel now. No matter how tough the next two months is going to be (and it will be), I hope I can find the strength and will power to push through and end all of this on a good note. Fight on :)
In less than 2 months I will have finished all my assessments for my Masters. Its been a long and rocky journey, but it seems like I will be emerging from the other side rather unscathed. Maybe this time I will finally don the graduation gown and join in the festivities as I feel like I actually have something worth celebrating about. My Bachelors of Science was tragic enough to warrant a Shakespeare play written after it and I wish I could erase it from the memories of this world, but I can't. What's done has been done. I will have to live with my mistakes for the rest of my life because your uni grades are for life. However im glad that I've still managed to turn things around somewhat in the last two years, so I haven't thrown my life away completely. I guess it goes to show that its never too late to turn your life around.
I am excited about graduating because of the uncertainties and the possibilities that will follow. No matter what I choose to do now, Im pretty much on my own and will have to find a way to support myself. No matter what I will end up doing next year, be it working or doing a PhD, this marks the end of another chapter of my life. I feel thankful for the second chance life has given me, allowing me to do Postgrad, and then Masters at Melbourne. I am also thankful for my parents continuous support, no matter what choices I make (as long as they're good).
I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel now. No matter how tough the next two months is going to be (and it will be), I hope I can find the strength and will power to push through and end all of this on a good note. Fight on :)
Monday, 23 September 2013
Lyrics from my heart
The first time i heard this song, I thought it was really nice, but didnt' think much of it. But somehow when i listened to it again tonight, the lyrics seems to just resonate with my heart. I feel like this song is singing my life right now.
当我站在大桥上面 静静凝视高速公路
没有人能知道我有多想哭
那些纵横交错的路 就像这生命虚无方向
抱紧我抱紧我 直到我有一种温暖的感觉
我真的需要你来爱护我 像个孩子
当我站在大桥下面 默默注视这个城市
没有人能知道我有多孤独
那些沉默伫立的楼 就像我一样寂寞无助
抱紧我抱紧我 直到我有一种温暖的感觉
我真的需要你来理解我 像个孩子一样
Tuesday, 17 September 2013
Im going to try and quit smoking after i graduate this year. Especially if I find a job, i think it'll be easier for me to quit, as strange as that might sound. Some people might argue that working gives you greater stress, but I find that I tend to smoke less on days I have work.
1. this is because I don't want to smell like smoke at work so I don't smoke till I get home.
2. a large part of my smoking is a result of stress from not being able to find a job. I think if i have my own income, I will feel a lot less pressure from myself and my parents, and will feel a lesser need to smoke.
3. i often smoke because i have too much free time on my hands. having a job will take up most of my free time so that ill be too busy to have idle time to have a cigarette.
Even though the amount that I smoke is considered very little in comparison to most smokers, im still probably gonna get cancer if I keep this up. So yea, really going to try and cut down on those deathsticks once uni finishes up this year. Without having to worry about my grades, i think I will have alot more energy to concentrate on giving up smoking.
For the benefit of my health in the long term, i think this is definitely my top priority once my studies are finished.
1. this is because I don't want to smell like smoke at work so I don't smoke till I get home.
2. a large part of my smoking is a result of stress from not being able to find a job. I think if i have my own income, I will feel a lot less pressure from myself and my parents, and will feel a lesser need to smoke.
3. i often smoke because i have too much free time on my hands. having a job will take up most of my free time so that ill be too busy to have idle time to have a cigarette.
Even though the amount that I smoke is considered very little in comparison to most smokers, im still probably gonna get cancer if I keep this up. So yea, really going to try and cut down on those deathsticks once uni finishes up this year. Without having to worry about my grades, i think I will have alot more energy to concentrate on giving up smoking.
For the benefit of my health in the long term, i think this is definitely my top priority once my studies are finished.
Friday, 13 September 2013
The 22nd
If one day you asked me "how many were there before me?"
I will look deeply into your eyes and this is what I will say:
Since I've been born, I've liked:
3 girls in primary,
2 girl in intermediate,
8 girls in highschool, and
8 girls in university.
That's a total of 21 girls that I've liked, 21 unrequited loves, for the 21 years I've been in this world before I met you.
In the 22nd year of my life, I met and fell in love with you.
You are the 22nd.
TROLOLOLOLOL
I will look deeply into your eyes and this is what I will say:
Since I've been born, I've liked:
3 girls in primary,
2 girl in intermediate,
8 girls in highschool, and
8 girls in university.
That's a total of 21 girls that I've liked, 21 unrequited loves, for the 21 years I've been in this world before I met you.
In the 22nd year of my life, I met and fell in love with you.
You are the 22nd.
TROLOLOLOLOL
Sunday, 8 September 2013
Clubbing, take 2
So I think I made a post about clubbing around 2 years ago listing all the reasons why its such a disappointment and waste of money. Well contrary to what I said in that post, I actually had a good clubbing experience last night. It was still expensive as fuck, and i won't be going again unless I have my own income, but i had fun.
I don't know why. Maybe it was because it was my first time clubbing in Melbourne and the novelty of it made it fun. Maybe it was because the clubs in Auckland were just shit. Maybe it was because the people I went with were fun. Maybe it was because this time i wasn't trying to 'get girls'. Maybe it was because I found that perfect level of drunkeness where you could let go of your inhibitions and have fun without completely losing control of yourself. Or maybe it was a combination of these things.
Regardless of the reasons, I was able to let go of myself and just danced all night. I used to think it was awkward to dance by yourself. But last night, if I wasn't dancing with people I knew, I would just dance by myself. It didn't matter, because you become immersed in the crowd and the music and its like everyone is dancing together. In reality, no one actually gives a shit about what youre doing so I stopped caring and just lost myself in the music. Plus its a lot better than standing in the periphery looking into the crowd like a creep.
It felt really good to let go i have to say. Even though I don't like to go clubbing, I've always enjoyed the club environment. The thumping bass of the music, the pulsing energy of the crowd, the feel good vibe that everyone gave off, it gets me so high. When this is mixed with the perfect amount of alcohol, I was able to lose myself. I found myself closing my eyes and letting the rhythm of the music take control of my body. All the pain, stress and pressures that have accumulated within me this year and all my worries about the future were exuded from my body through the pores of my skin and evaporated into thin air. I felt light and free and simultaneously the urge to scream with all my might.
I haven't felt this way since the Motley Crue concert 6 months ago.
I don't think last night has changed my opinion of clubs, but I can see now why people go there so much. I think its good to let go all that pent up negative emotions once in a while and dancing at clubs may be a good outlet for that, especially techno/trance/electronic music...
...or maybe they're just there to get laid.
I don't know why. Maybe it was because it was my first time clubbing in Melbourne and the novelty of it made it fun. Maybe it was because the clubs in Auckland were just shit. Maybe it was because the people I went with were fun. Maybe it was because this time i wasn't trying to 'get girls'. Maybe it was because I found that perfect level of drunkeness where you could let go of your inhibitions and have fun without completely losing control of yourself. Or maybe it was a combination of these things.
Regardless of the reasons, I was able to let go of myself and just danced all night. I used to think it was awkward to dance by yourself. But last night, if I wasn't dancing with people I knew, I would just dance by myself. It didn't matter, because you become immersed in the crowd and the music and its like everyone is dancing together. In reality, no one actually gives a shit about what youre doing so I stopped caring and just lost myself in the music. Plus its a lot better than standing in the periphery looking into the crowd like a creep.
It felt really good to let go i have to say. Even though I don't like to go clubbing, I've always enjoyed the club environment. The thumping bass of the music, the pulsing energy of the crowd, the feel good vibe that everyone gave off, it gets me so high. When this is mixed with the perfect amount of alcohol, I was able to lose myself. I found myself closing my eyes and letting the rhythm of the music take control of my body. All the pain, stress and pressures that have accumulated within me this year and all my worries about the future were exuded from my body through the pores of my skin and evaporated into thin air. I felt light and free and simultaneously the urge to scream with all my might.
I haven't felt this way since the Motley Crue concert 6 months ago.
I don't think last night has changed my opinion of clubs, but I can see now why people go there so much. I think its good to let go all that pent up negative emotions once in a while and dancing at clubs may be a good outlet for that, especially techno/trance/electronic music...
...or maybe they're just there to get laid.
Sunday, 1 September 2013
I can't believe it's already been a year.
Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I feel like the luckiest guy alive to have you in my life.
You give me a sense of purpose, something to fight for and protect.
You give me support and comfort when I need it most.
But most of all, you give me happiness everyday.
这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着我们心头的白鸽
我想我很快乐
当有你的温热
脚边的空气转了
没有一点点防备
也没有以顾虑
你就这样出现在我的世界
带给我惊喜
情不自禁
世界之大为何我们相遇
难道是缘分难道是天意
你存在
我深深的脑海里
我的梦里
我的心里
我的歌声里
我的生活里
你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒
我会给你怀抱
就算整个世界被寂寞绑票
我也不会奔跑
我会给你怀抱
一年快乐宝贝儿！
一年快乐宝贝儿！
Tuesday, 13 August 2013
10 places that I want to travel to in the world, in descending order
1. China - it's my birthplace and motherland. I want to travel to every corner of china and experience all the different aspects of chinese life and culture. I want to get to know my roots. Not to mention China is one of the most scenically diverse countries in the world.
2. New Zealand - I've never been to the South Island despite calling this country my home for the last 13 years. The furtherest south i've been is Hastings, that's pretty damn embarrassing.
3. Europe - who doesn't want to go to Europe?
4. Australia - I live here now, so might as well right?
5. South America - I've met so many awesome people from South America this year and they all seem genuinely nice. Really makes me want to visit that place, esp since its got some of the most beautiful scenic places in the world.
6. Southeast Asia - despite all the bad stuff you hear about it, it would still be an amazing experience im sure.
7. North America - No matter how much I dislike Americans, still gotta go there and see for myself exactly what makes these people so damn arrogant right?
8. Korea and Japan - the home of Starcraft, kpop, anime, takoyaki, jav, and all things weird, definitely worth seeing in this lifetime, even though there's the chance of getting cancer from all the radiation.
9. Egypt - the birth place of one of the oldest civilizations in the world, definitely worth the visit. Plus I can say i've been to Africa without having to risk getting myself killed.
10. Antarctica - how many people can say they've been to Antarctica?
2. New Zealand - I've never been to the South Island despite calling this country my home for the last 13 years. The furtherest south i've been is Hastings, that's pretty damn embarrassing.
3. Europe - who doesn't want to go to Europe?
4. Australia - I live here now, so might as well right?
5. South America - I've met so many awesome people from South America this year and they all seem genuinely nice. Really makes me want to visit that place, esp since its got some of the most beautiful scenic places in the world.
6. Southeast Asia - despite all the bad stuff you hear about it, it would still be an amazing experience im sure.
7. North America - No matter how much I dislike Americans, still gotta go there and see for myself exactly what makes these people so damn arrogant right?
8. Korea and Japan - the home of Starcraft, kpop, anime, takoyaki, jav, and all things weird, definitely worth seeing in this lifetime, even though there's the chance of getting cancer from all the radiation.
9. Egypt - the birth place of one of the oldest civilizations in the world, definitely worth the visit. Plus I can say i've been to Africa without having to risk getting myself killed.
10. Antarctica - how many people can say they've been to Antarctica?
Tuesday, 6 August 2013
The Future Is Uncertain
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| The future is uncertain. |
I've been meaning to blog for a long time but somehow I just could never bring myself to write one. So much has happened in the past two months since my last proper blog post, Im not quite sure where to start.
My girlfriend came to Australia to visit me towards the end of June, and we spent two amazing weeks here in Melbourne and Sydney. I won't go into much detail about it, but it was the best two weeks of my life up till now. I was so genuinely happy. It almost made up for all the pain, longing, and loneliness we both had to endure for the previous four months leading up to that. Almost.
Time is like sand when you're having fun. The tighter you try to hold on to it, the faster it slips out of your grasp. Before I knew it, we were flying back to Auckland. Thinking back, it felt almost surreal. Did those two weeks really happen? Or was it simply a figment of my imagination; a dream that culminated from all my desires and wishes? I guess the only evidence that it was real was the hundreds of photos we took.
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Regardless, time ruthlessly moved on. Even the two weeks in Auckland flew past, and before I knew it, I was alone again sitting at my desk in Melbourne, getting ready for my final semester.
My final semester of uni. Wow. I'm pretty sure this isn't the first time I've said that this semester will be my final semester, but I hope it will be the last. Five years of university should be more than enough for anyone to endure. I'm not saying it was a painful process, but I'd rather be getting paid to write reports than be paying someone else so I could write one. I'm sure I'll feel nostalgic once I join the workforce, but I'm so ready to move on and begin my career. There's so much more that I have to learn, so many ways that I must challenge myself, and so much about me I need to prove, all of which cannot be done at university.
That is why I am so excited to start my internship this week. And a little bit scared. It's going to be my first time working for someone other than my parents, I don't know what to expect. Will I be able to adapt and deliver the necessary results, or will I fall apart and fail miserably? I know I don't have a lot of work experience, so I'll just have to make up for it with passion, enthusiasm and initiative.
This internship will also give me a first taste of what it's like to be in the workforce, particularly working in the environmental sector. Am I going to enjoy it? Or will I finally realise that uni are the best years of my life? These are also questions that I'm eager to find the answer to (hope it's not the latter).
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Either way, this semester will be just as tough if not tougher than the last. Other than maintaining my grades and performing well at work, I need to be on the prowl for full time jobs next year. You think postgrad is stressful? Wait till you start job hunting. You spend 2 - 4 hrs on each application just for the slimmest glimmer of hope that you will get at least an interview. But when you're competing with 200 - 300 people per position, even interviews are hard to come by. Whats most frustrating about the process is not the rejection itself, but not knowing WHY you have been rejected. HOW does my skills not fit your job description? WHAT am I doing wrong? At least with assignments, markers always provide feedback so that you can improve. Even when it comes to women, its a bit of a hit and miss game. If something doesn't work, you can always try something else. But with job hunting, how many fucking ways are there to say you have a Bachelor of Science on your CV? How many different eloquent ways can I describe how my skills can benefit your organisation?
Unlike my parents generation, who were allocated jobs upon graduation, we have to fight and compete and employ all kinds of methods just to find employment. I guess the only way forward is to keep on trying. My past experiences with women have taught me that every failure is another lesson on success. If I persevere, I know I will find a job to my satisfaction eventually.
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This brings me on to my final topic and the title of this post - my future. The future is uncertain. It's both an extremely exciting and terribly terrifying prospect. As a graduate, I will be looking for jobs all across Australia and New Zealand. Ideally, I would like to stay in Melbourne, or find a job in Sydney or Auckland. However, there is a high chance that I will end up in a remote or faraway place, like Perth, or Darwin, or Wagga Wagga (yes that is a real place), or Middle of Nowhere. To kick start my career, I have to be prepared to go to places that no one else wants to.
So basically, I have no idea where I'm going to end up next year. I will try my best to stay in Melbourne, but there's just so much uncertainty. What scares me the most is not whether I'll end up in a foreign place, but the implications it will have on my relationship. If I end up in a remote place, there's no guarantee that we can live and work in the same city in the next few years. What is going to happen to us? Will we still be together 5 years down the road, or will the machinations of life and the abyss of time and distance finally pull us apart? How many years can I appropriately ask someone to wait for me before it becomes inappropriate? She is the most important person in my life, but how does one find the right balance between career and love? Sacrifices will have to be made either way.
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So these are the thoughts that have been swirling around my head for the past two months and that I've been meaning to write down but never got around to. Not knowing what's going to happen to me in 6 months time is honestly really scary. It makes me feel insecure, like I have no control over things. But at the same time, if you knew how the rest of your life will exactly play out, what joy is there left in living life? Isn't the curiosity and suspense of not knowing what's going to happen next which makes life so interesting? I'll let you be the judge of that.
Anyways my dear readers, I apologise for not blogging in the past two months, I know you've all been DYING to read my posts ;)
In conclusion, I will say this: In the present, there is only one thing I can be sure about, and that is that the future is uncertain.
Tuesday, 2 July 2013
Wednesday, 5 June 2013
Wolf children
I just watched the animated film The Wolf Children Ame and Yuki. It was directed by Mamoru Hosoda, the same director of The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, a movie that I thoroughly enjoyed. Like his previous work, Wolf Children was another visual masterpiece that evoked deep and complex emotions within me and left me in a state of peaceful melancholy.
There were many important themes raised by the film, but the one that stood out to me the most was one about finding the inner courage and strength to smile in the face of pain and tragedy that are an inevitable part of life. This was most exemplified by the central character of the story, a single mother of two children, Hana.
Hana lost her husband shortly following the birth of her son, one year after the birth of her daughter, their first child together. Not only did she have to deal with the grief of losing her beloved spouse, but she also had to take care of her two very young children all by herself. To make matters worse, they're not like other children, in that they are half wolf and half human.
Yet despite the seemingly insurmountable odds in the face of which a normal person would surely despair and give up, Hana managed to smile through the pain and raise her two children on her own. The strength and courage this timid and petite woman showed, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, was perhaps the most resounding message of this film, to me at least.
It made me realise that, despite all the pain, hardship, and tragedy that we will inevitably encounter in life, what's most important is that we stay strong, and keep moving forward and do what we have to do. If we can keep a smile on our face despite all that life throws at us to bring us down, we might be astonished to find that joy awaits us on the other side.
Hana didn't let the death of her husband and the fact that her children are different stop her from living her life and fulfilling her duties as a wonderful mother. She managed to prevail through every challenge life threw at her, and ended up raising her children into two amazing adults. In the end, she had lived a fulfilling life filled with joy, happiness, and bright smiles. I think that's the message that I took from this movie.
I highly recommend this movie to anyone reading this. If you ever find yourself in a rut, or feel like you're being overwhelmed by life's problems, think about Hana. Think about her bravery. Think about her resolve. Think about her strength. And most importantly, think about her smile. Perhaps then, you'll find it in yourself to overcome all your challenges, and emerge on the other side with a smile on your own lips.
Tuesday, 21 May 2013
Ive officially been in Melbourne for 3 months now
An update on my life in Melbourne is probably long overdue, but i just can't find the energy and inspiration to write one, it takes too much effort, you know? All I can say really is that it feels like much longer than 3 months. It feels like ive been living in Melbourne for 3 years. Everything is so familiar to me, its crazy to think that just 3 months ago, I did not know this city at all, nor her me. But sometimes, when i lie in bed trying to fall asleep, I still try to picture myself lying in my bed in Auckland. I really do miss the place that Ive come to call home for 13 years.
But, coming to Melbourne was definitely the right decision. I've grown as a person, and broadened my knowledge of the world, as well as my cooking skills ;D
In only 3 months, Melbourne has already given me something that Auckland couldnt do in 4 years: an internship. Although its unpaid, im very excited at the prospect of finally being able to work in a job related to my field. Its time for me to prove myself to the world what im really made of.
I suppose another reason the past 3 months has seemed so long is because of how tough it is. Its been a really hard 3 months. Sometimes, I felt like everything was falling apart and the loneliness and the stress and the pressure and everything weighing down on me threatened to overwhelm me. But each time, my girlfriend and family were there to support me, and they would bring me back from the precipice of self-destruction. Im so glad that this semester is finally drawing to an end. Its been a long and hard battle, and im looking forward to the holidays.
One of my main concerns now is my health. Ive been sleeping and eating very irregularly and they're bound to take a toll on my body, whether i realise it or not. I really dont want to die of cancer when im 40 years old, so this is something i really have to fix quickly. Now that things are slowing down a bit, hopefully ill be able to turn things around.
Other than that, theres not much else to say. Ive met more new people and solidified existing relationships, but on a whole, i havent been going out much at all. Im not really a party person anyways, im more of a nerd who likes to stay home and play games and watch movies, so i guess thats okay with me.
That will be all for now. Looking forward to going back to Auckland to see my family and my friends. Until then, stay safe and stay cool my dear readers. Peace out =]
But, coming to Melbourne was definitely the right decision. I've grown as a person, and broadened my knowledge of the world, as well as my cooking skills ;D
In only 3 months, Melbourne has already given me something that Auckland couldnt do in 4 years: an internship. Although its unpaid, im very excited at the prospect of finally being able to work in a job related to my field. Its time for me to prove myself to the world what im really made of.
I suppose another reason the past 3 months has seemed so long is because of how tough it is. Its been a really hard 3 months. Sometimes, I felt like everything was falling apart and the loneliness and the stress and the pressure and everything weighing down on me threatened to overwhelm me. But each time, my girlfriend and family were there to support me, and they would bring me back from the precipice of self-destruction. Im so glad that this semester is finally drawing to an end. Its been a long and hard battle, and im looking forward to the holidays.
One of my main concerns now is my health. Ive been sleeping and eating very irregularly and they're bound to take a toll on my body, whether i realise it or not. I really dont want to die of cancer when im 40 years old, so this is something i really have to fix quickly. Now that things are slowing down a bit, hopefully ill be able to turn things around.
Other than that, theres not much else to say. Ive met more new people and solidified existing relationships, but on a whole, i havent been going out much at all. Im not really a party person anyways, im more of a nerd who likes to stay home and play games and watch movies, so i guess thats okay with me.
That will be all for now. Looking forward to going back to Auckland to see my family and my friends. Until then, stay safe and stay cool my dear readers. Peace out =]
Sunday, 12 May 2013
In the next 50 hours
Body, i need you to:
Stay strong and not fall sick.
Stay awake and not feel tired.
Have the energy to write 3500 words.
Mind, i need you to:
Stay alert and run at 110%
Stay positive
Delve into your darkest recesses and dredge up the knowledge to write 3500 words
Spirit, i need you to:
Staying strong and keep fighting
Stay vigilant and courageous in these trying times
Never waver in the face of having to write 3500 words
Let's work together and get through this!
Stay strong and not fall sick.
Stay awake and not feel tired.
Have the energy to write 3500 words.
Mind, i need you to:
Stay alert and run at 110%
Stay positive
Delve into your darkest recesses and dredge up the knowledge to write 3500 words
Spirit, i need you to:
Staying strong and keep fighting
Stay vigilant and courageous in these trying times
Never waver in the face of having to write 3500 words
Let's work together and get through this!
Friday, 10 May 2013
This is why I love Melbourne
Tonight, while walking along the streets of the CBD, I heard a familiar tune. It was an Asian boy with thick black rim glasses playing a Jay Chou song on his keyboard. I normally don't give money to baskers unless I really like their performance. Maybe it was because of the sweet, touching melody. Maybe it was because it was a Jay Chou song. Maybe it was because its not everyday you see a bookish looking asian boy who is brave enough to bask on a busy Melbourne street. Maybe it was all of the above. But either way, I couldn't help but give him a dollar. If I was an asian girl, I'd totally fall in love with him.
Tuesday, 7 May 2013
I'm a man of few talents
I can't sing. I can't play an instrument. I can't dance. Im not very good at art. Im not very good at sports. Im not even very good at Starcraft.
Most people seem to at least have one talent that sets them apart from everyone else. They can sing well. Or is exceptionally good at an instrument. Or both. It helps them stand out. Its something that can impress people, grab their attention, charm them, attract them, make them fall in love.
I don't have any of that. I guess the only thing i've got going is my intellect. I have a good memory, and a strong ability to understand things. When I combine this with hard work, I perform very well academically. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to exploit this talent very well in the past years because I've been lazy and misguided.
But now, I realise that this is the only way I can be good at something. I really want to be good at something. I want a quality about me that defines me, that sets me apart from everyone else. Something that I can be proud of.
I want to make my mark on this world. I don't want to lead a mediocre life as a mediocre man. The only way I can prove my worth now is through my career. This will be my 'talent' - becoming an exceptional professional in the environmental field. The environment intrigues me. It is my passion. Since Im not very good at anything else, I must excel in this field. I must study hard, work hard, and achieve a fulfilling career. This is the only way i will be able to find my place in this world. This is the only way for me to stand in the spotlight for once, and shine.
Most people seem to at least have one talent that sets them apart from everyone else. They can sing well. Or is exceptionally good at an instrument. Or both. It helps them stand out. Its something that can impress people, grab their attention, charm them, attract them, make them fall in love.
I don't have any of that. I guess the only thing i've got going is my intellect. I have a good memory, and a strong ability to understand things. When I combine this with hard work, I perform very well academically. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to exploit this talent very well in the past years because I've been lazy and misguided.
But now, I realise that this is the only way I can be good at something. I really want to be good at something. I want a quality about me that defines me, that sets me apart from everyone else. Something that I can be proud of.
I want to make my mark on this world. I don't want to lead a mediocre life as a mediocre man. The only way I can prove my worth now is through my career. This will be my 'talent' - becoming an exceptional professional in the environmental field. The environment intrigues me. It is my passion. Since Im not very good at anything else, I must excel in this field. I must study hard, work hard, and achieve a fulfilling career. This is the only way i will be able to find my place in this world. This is the only way for me to stand in the spotlight for once, and shine.
Saturday, 4 May 2013
Long distance
Every day you are confronted with the happiness of other couples, and a mixture of emotions well up inside. Happiness, admiration, envy, jealousy, anger, sadness, nostalgia. You think back to the good times you've had, and you dream about what could've been inside your arms at this very moment. And then comes the doubt. You doubt yourself. You doubt your decision to leave her in the pursuit of your dreams. You ask yourself is it really all worth it. The pain. The longing. The cherished memories that begin to haunt your waking moments. You ask yourself what are even your dreams. And there's no right answer.
But then the moment passes. You tell yourself there's only this many days left before you see her. Wasn't it this number yesterday? You readjust your bag strap on your shoulder, tighten your coat around your body, take a long draw on your cigarette, look straight ahead, and keep walking forwards.
But then the moment passes. You tell yourself there's only this many days left before you see her. Wasn't it this number yesterday? You readjust your bag strap on your shoulder, tighten your coat around your body, take a long draw on your cigarette, look straight ahead, and keep walking forwards.
Tuesday, 30 April 2013
Clutch time
I've been in a bit of a slump the last few weeks. Not sleeping when I should be, not eating when i should be, and most importantly, not studying when i should be. I stand on the verge of unraveling everything I've worked so hard for in the past year and a half.
The next 3 weeks will be the most critical period of this semester. I have 120% worth of assignments that need to be done. I need to pull myself together, and push through this period. Otherwise, $25 000 and a year of my life could just be washed away down the drain. This is the time when I need to focus on what needs to be done. No more wasting time on Starcraft and TV shows and pointless things. I won't settle for anything short of H1 for all my subjects. It's time to get my shit together. These are the final mintues in a basketball game and the star player needs to find it in himself to do what needs to be done and deliver the necessary results. It's clutch time.
The next 3 weeks will be the most critical period of this semester. I have 120% worth of assignments that need to be done. I need to pull myself together, and push through this period. Otherwise, $25 000 and a year of my life could just be washed away down the drain. This is the time when I need to focus on what needs to be done. No more wasting time on Starcraft and TV shows and pointless things. I won't settle for anything short of H1 for all my subjects. It's time to get my shit together. These are the final mintues in a basketball game and the star player needs to find it in himself to do what needs to be done and deliver the necessary results. It's clutch time.
Sunday, 28 April 2013
Tonight turned out to be an unexpectedly good night
Met some really cool people tonight from Mexico and Ecuador who were genuinely interested in Chinese culture. I really love international students, they're so much friendlier and less pompous than natives I think.
Apparently Stella Artois, Heineken, and Steinlager in Belgium are the equivalent of Double Brown and Lion Red in New Zealand, just cheap beer to get drunk on. I have to go to Europe now.
Watched Trance which turned out to be a really good movie. Kind of like Inception - really intense stuff that fucks with your mind, but it was a little too graphic for my taste. Good movie nonetheless, highly recommended if you're into psychological thrillers!
First time going to a open roof top bar/club. Really nice venue, the view was amazing from up there:
Only downside was that I had to climb 7 stories of stairs to get there. That shits not fun for a smoker carrying a heavy laptop!
Yea so overall turned out to be an unexpectedly good night. First time going to a proper bar/club type venue in Melbourne. Didn't get much study done though...
Apparently Stella Artois, Heineken, and Steinlager in Belgium are the equivalent of Double Brown and Lion Red in New Zealand, just cheap beer to get drunk on. I have to go to Europe now.
Watched Trance which turned out to be a really good movie. Kind of like Inception - really intense stuff that fucks with your mind, but it was a little too graphic for my taste. Good movie nonetheless, highly recommended if you're into psychological thrillers!
First time going to a open roof top bar/club. Really nice venue, the view was amazing from up there:
Only downside was that I had to climb 7 stories of stairs to get there. That shits not fun for a smoker carrying a heavy laptop!
Yea so overall turned out to be an unexpectedly good night. First time going to a proper bar/club type venue in Melbourne. Didn't get much study done though...
Tuesday, 23 April 2013
lol so i just got rejected for another job application
Guess I'll add it to my long list of Girls Jobs I couldn't get.
Even though its happened before numerous times; even though I know I'll eventually find one; I still feel can't help but like shit at the moment.
Owell. Failure breeds desire, and desire breeds success right? Or failure breeds depression, and depression...well..leads to suicide =/
Lol jks, I would never take the easy way out. My friend told me that last Saturday some Indian guy from her apartment jumped off the building and committed suicide. Unless you've been sentenced to solitary confinement for the rest of your life or is about to die a slow and agonizing death, I can't fathom why someone would voluntarily end their own life. In the end, no matter how shit things get, you still have yourself. You still have food to enjoy. You still have sleep to enjoy.You still have porn to enjoy. You still have freedom to enjoy. You still have fresh air and blue skies and pretty flowers to enjoy. If a guy can endure 25 years of solitary confinement and maintain the will to live, I think we can too.
Even though its happened before numerous times; even though I know I'll eventually find one; I still feel can't help but like shit at the moment.
Owell. Failure breeds desire, and desire breeds success right? Or failure breeds depression, and depression...well..leads to suicide =/
Lol jks, I would never take the easy way out. My friend told me that last Saturday some Indian guy from her apartment jumped off the building and committed suicide. Unless you've been sentenced to solitary confinement for the rest of your life or is about to die a slow and agonizing death, I can't fathom why someone would voluntarily end their own life. In the end, no matter how shit things get, you still have yourself. You still have food to enjoy. You still have sleep to enjoy.
Wednesday, 17 April 2013
I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22
Lol okay that's a lie. I don't FEEL 22, even though according to basic arithmetic I am. Age is such a socially constructed notion. It's just a number. I'm not actually old. Right? RIGHT?!
But seriously, I can't believe I'm 22 already. As a kid, I always thought 22 was such a large age, and that people who are 22 must be fully fledged and mature adults. But I still feel like a kid. I still act like a kid. When I look into the mirror, I still SEE a kid. I haven't accomplished anything in my life yet. I still sleep late and sleep in. I still play games and neglect study. I still pig out on junk food and don't eat my fruits. I still don't have a job and rely on my parents for money. I'm not even fully independent yet, let alone able to support my family. NOTHING about me is 22!
To be honest though, it kind of feels like its been much longer than 365 days since I turned 21. Has it only been 8760 hours since we all ate buffet at that place Nick claimed to be so good but actually turned out to be kinda average? Was it only 525 600 minutes ago that we drank beer and sang karaoke to our hearts content? Has only 31 536 000 seconds passed since a lonely, immature boy dreaming of finding love and moving to Australia officially became a man?
My 21st year has been pretty good to me I have to say. It definitely has been a year of many new experiences. There was a lot of hardship, but in the end it was all worth it. But this post isn't about my 21st year. That's in the past now. History. Chronicled in the annals of my blog posts.
This is about my 22nd year.
This year is definitely going to be even tougher than the last. I'm hoping that I'll find the courage and strength within me to push through so that it'll also become an even better year than the last. By the time I'm 23, I hope to be have a Master's degree with H1, have a full time job working in environmental engineering/consultancy, and have an even stronger and better relationship than I have now. These are my goals for this year. These are the things I want. All I have to do now is put in the effort to get them. FIGHT ON!
To end this post, here's a video. I was originally going to post Taylor Swift's 22. But then I heard this song. It's now officially my new favourite song. I'd like to dedicate this song to my special girl. Baby, you're my source of strength when I'm feeling weak. Because of you I can push on through the pain. You're the reason I can live each day with a smile. You're my hideaway.
But seriously, I can't believe I'm 22 already. As a kid, I always thought 22 was such a large age, and that people who are 22 must be fully fledged and mature adults. But I still feel like a kid. I still act like a kid. When I look into the mirror, I still SEE a kid. I haven't accomplished anything in my life yet. I still sleep late and sleep in. I still play games and neglect study. I still pig out on junk food and don't eat my fruits. I still don't have a job and rely on my parents for money. I'm not even fully independent yet, let alone able to support my family. NOTHING about me is 22!
To be honest though, it kind of feels like its been much longer than 365 days since I turned 21. Has it only been 8760 hours since we all ate buffet at that place Nick claimed to be so good but actually turned out to be kinda average? Was it only 525 600 minutes ago that we drank beer and sang karaoke to our hearts content? Has only 31 536 000 seconds passed since a lonely, immature boy dreaming of finding love and moving to Australia officially became a man?
My 21st year has been pretty good to me I have to say. It definitely has been a year of many new experiences. There was a lot of hardship, but in the end it was all worth it. But this post isn't about my 21st year. That's in the past now. History. Chronicled in the annals of my blog posts.
This is about my 22nd year.
This year is definitely going to be even tougher than the last. I'm hoping that I'll find the courage and strength within me to push through so that it'll also become an even better year than the last. By the time I'm 23, I hope to be have a Master's degree with H1, have a full time job working in environmental engineering/consultancy, and have an even stronger and better relationship than I have now. These are my goals for this year. These are the things I want. All I have to do now is put in the effort to get them. FIGHT ON!
To end this post, here's a video. I was originally going to post Taylor Swift's 22. But then I heard this song. It's now officially my new favourite song. I'd like to dedicate this song to my special girl. Baby, you're my source of strength when I'm feeling weak. Because of you I can push on through the pain. You're the reason I can live each day with a smile. You're my hideaway.
Tuesday, 16 April 2013
My first time ever pulling an all nighter. Its amazing how quickly time flies by during the night actually. Im looking at the people who get up early at 6am to do pilates or go to work, and im thinking, how the fuck do they do this everyday?! I felt like a zombie.
On the bright side, only 70 days to go before i get to see my baby! I hope I can just get through the next month in one piece...
On the bright side, only 70 days to go before i get to see my baby! I hope I can just get through the next month in one piece...
Saturday, 6 April 2013
Monday, 1 April 2013
Happy 7 months babyy!!~~
Its been exactly 9 months since we've met, and 7 months since we've been together. Sometimes i marvel at how quickly time flies, yet sometimes i think: "has it only been that long?" It seems like she's been by my side for as long as I could remember.
So I watched Lust Caution today, cause I wanted to watch a movie and that was what popped into my mind. It really made me think about what were the things that are most important to me. Love or glory?
In the movie, the character portrayed by Leehom chooses to dedicate his life to the Chinese war effort against Japan by becoming an undercover agent and in the process sacrifices a ordinary but happy life with the main female lead. In the end, him, her, and his whole team gets caught and executed and all was for naught, and the romantic within me thinks: "If i were him, I'd just stay in university, get a normal job, and lead a happy life with the pretty girl." But then I thought, how would I be able to live a normal life knowing that millions of my compatriots are being murdered and my country is being invaded? What about my sense of duty, honour, and compassion? Surely Im no coward.
Even though this was a purely hypothetical situation, i felt really conflicted. If i were really in his shoes, what would I do? I suppose there's really no right answer. I mean look at us now, living a life of over-consumption while war rages in Syria, Iraq, and parts of Africa and millions of people are suffering. Yet we live in our sheltered little lives, oblivious to all the misery, cruelty, and inhumanity that is taking place across the world. So really, is it any different now than it was 70 years ago? The scale of the conflict may be smaller, the countries involved may be different, but still, im choosing to live a safe, predictable, ordinary life rather than go out and change the world. Maybe ill still be able to do something to help the environment, but even that passion is dying now in my thirst for money, because that's what i seem to measure success with these days.
But then, every relationship is built on the foundations of financial security. Every girl wants to find a man that they are proud of. A man that is successful, a man that is mature, a man with drive and purpose and responsibility. To do this, we often have to work long hours or move to different cities in search of better education and job opportunities, thus sacrificing love. It's like a paradox.
I mean, we're only apart for a year now, but what happens if I find a job in Perth next year? Or worse, in the middle of nowhere? How long can we keep this long distance up just so I can become a 'successful' person? Where do we draw the line? When does it end?
I guess in the end, its all a matter of balance and knowing what's important to you. Its not unheard of for people to lose their relationships in the pursuit of success. Maybe they're okay with that, because money is more important to them, or because they can find someone else. But maybe they'll regret it. I am an emotive person, and im also a romantic. As much as I want to make my parents proud, my emotional wellbeing is more important to me. I don't want to lose what i have now, i think she's a very special girl. So i guess what im trying to say is, she is more important to me than being successful or having money. So no matter what, I want to be living in the same city as her when we both graduate.
Love or glory? I choose happiness.
Tuesday, 26 March 2013
Thursday, 21 March 2013
First month in Melbourne
So I've officially been in Melbourne for a month now. I can't quite seem to decide whether time has passed really quickly, or really slowly. On the one hand, the past few weeks have been really busy, and the days seem to just fly by as I immerse myself in my studies. But on the other hand, I have become so accustomed to everything that it seems like I've been living here for a longgg time.
I guess this will be my official second update on my new life in Melbourne. Since my last (slightly emo) post, I've quickly adapted and gotten used to the way of life here, and find myself slowly falling in love with this city. Sometimes, I forget I'm in Australia.
I've made some new friends and gotten to know my classmates better. It really feels good when I have someone I can talk to. The students at Melbourne Uni are generally pretty friendly, but most of the people I talk to are not actually native Australians. I've met people from Belgium, Costa Rica, Chilli, United States, Malaysia, Philipines, and of course, good old China. It's a real international mix here.
As to my new life living outside of home, I'm really enjoying it. I just love shopping by myself, getting to choose what I eat, and cooking for myself. I don't know why, I just like to cook! Maybe I'm just not picky with my food, but I find that the dishes I've cooked are all pretty palatable, if I may say so myself =D Maybe I'm in need of a new career choice. Maybe, as fate would have it, I needed to move to Melbourne in order to discover my hidden culinary talent and embark on a journey to fulfill my REAL destiny! Here are my masterpieces:
Okay so maybe Gordan Ramsay might have a few nice things to say about my cooking skills and my aspirations to become a Top Chef (different show I know!). Perhaps I should stick to being an environmental engineer.
I have to say though, I am quite enjoying the Master of Environment programme here. It was definitely the right choice to come here, although I do find myself slightly out of my depth. Things are pretty intense over here. Two and a half weeks in, and I've already had 50% worth of assessments handed in. Last Wednesday I had a presentation, yesterday I handed in a 1000 word essay, and today I handed in a 4000 word report. People here really don't fuck around! Although I do have to say, I felt pretty good after doing that presentation. Not only did it go quite smoothly (I was the only person who made the audience laugh), but it was my first real piece of assessment. It made everything feel much more real. I wasn't just a ghost walking through campus, sitting in on lectures and then going home. No, I am now a real student of Melbourne University, and I had just made my first mark.
So yea, that's pretty much the past month in a nutshell. All I've been doing has been studying, shopping, skyping, sleeping,smoking, cooking, eating, and working out. I haven't really gone out much, but I was never a party animal anyways. Overall, I have to say I'm quite enjoying this lifestyle. It may not sound particularly exciting to you, but for me, everyday is a new day. I'm still getting to know this city, and it's people, and it's crannies and nooks and dark alleyways and all the mystery and secrets it may hide. Just making a new friend is exciting for me. Or discovering a new shop that sells good food, or does cheap groceries. Or a nice scenic spot that could potentially be good for a date. Even just being able to see this city from a different angle, in a different light, at a different time, is exciting in itself. What can I say, Melbourne isn't too bad.
I guess this will be my official second update on my new life in Melbourne. Since my last (slightly emo) post, I've quickly adapted and gotten used to the way of life here, and find myself slowly falling in love with this city. Sometimes, I forget I'm in Australia.
I've made some new friends and gotten to know my classmates better. It really feels good when I have someone I can talk to. The students at Melbourne Uni are generally pretty friendly, but most of the people I talk to are not actually native Australians. I've met people from Belgium, Costa Rica, Chilli, United States, Malaysia, Philipines, and of course, good old China. It's a real international mix here.
As to my new life living outside of home, I'm really enjoying it. I just love shopping by myself, getting to choose what I eat, and cooking for myself. I don't know why, I just like to cook! Maybe I'm just not picky with my food, but I find that the dishes I've cooked are all pretty palatable, if I may say so myself =D Maybe I'm in need of a new career choice. Maybe, as fate would have it, I needed to move to Melbourne in order to discover my hidden culinary talent and embark on a journey to fulfill my REAL destiny! Here are my masterpieces:
Salad and fried rice. WHY AM I SO GOOD?!!
Salad, mashed potatoes, sweet and sour chicken, and an ice cold beer.....it's harder than it looks you know.
I have to say though, I am quite enjoying the Master of Environment programme here. It was definitely the right choice to come here, although I do find myself slightly out of my depth. Things are pretty intense over here. Two and a half weeks in, and I've already had 50% worth of assessments handed in. Last Wednesday I had a presentation, yesterday I handed in a 1000 word essay, and today I handed in a 4000 word report. People here really don't fuck around! Although I do have to say, I felt pretty good after doing that presentation. Not only did it go quite smoothly (I was the only person who made the audience laugh), but it was my first real piece of assessment. It made everything feel much more real. I wasn't just a ghost walking through campus, sitting in on lectures and then going home. No, I am now a real student of Melbourne University, and I had just made my first mark.
So yea, that's pretty much the past month in a nutshell. All I've been doing has been studying, shopping, skyping, sleeping,
Friday, 15 March 2013
My to-do list when i get back to Auckland
1. Simon's mom.
2. Sharpen my katana
3. Keep Simon away from my gf
4. Eat Bruce Lee sushi
5. Eat Mustache cookies
6. Eat LSD chicken
7. Go sing K
8. Go 小肥羊
9. Go Momo
10. Go Hopes Way
11. Go Shaolin noodles
12. Cook food at Jeannie's apartment
13. Light drinks at Pocha
14. Play Game of Thrones board game
15. Play Starcraft
16. Play basketball
17. Play pool
18. Make a Nick's head joke
19. Hear Wayne laugh
20. Laugh at Wayne's laugh
2. Sharpen my katana
3. Keep Simon away from my gf
4. Eat Bruce Lee sushi
5. Eat Mustache cookies
6. Eat LSD chicken
7. Go sing K
8. Go 小肥羊
9. Go Momo
10. Go Hopes Way
11. Go Shaolin noodles
12. Cook food at Jeannie's apartment
13. Light drinks at Pocha
14. Play Game of Thrones board game
15. Play Starcraft
16. Play basketball
17. Play pool
18. Make a Nick's head joke
19. Hear Wayne laugh
20. Laugh at Wayne's laugh
Tuesday, 12 March 2013
Friday, 8 March 2013
Monday, 25 February 2013
Moving to Melbourne
So last night, I moved into my new place and spent my first night as a independent man. Im living in a 90 year old house on a quiet street in the suburb of Coburg. Everything here is so quaint - the street, the houses, my room. My flatmates are a 20 year old Malaysian Chinese guy whos starting his Bachelors at Melb Uni, and a 37 year old Australian white guy who is studying Chinese and Asian studies. They're both great guys, and I can see us all becoming friends. Yet, the sensation of living with strangers is still very... strange to me, believe it or not. I was living with distant relatives for the past 5 days; although I did not know them, the family ties we had made the atmosphere much more homely. Now however, I am truly on mine own. Undoubtedly i am excited at this prospect, the novel notion of me finally gaining my independence. Yet the prevailing feeling that surges to the fore is one of solitude and loneliness.
Yes, I moved to Melbourne because I tired of Auckland. Yes, I wanted a clean slate and a new start in a place where no one knew me and the entire city was my playground, a place with endless opportunities for the taking, should I be willing to work hard enough. Yes, a part of me was running away. Away from the old me, away from my shitty academic history, away from a city of 1 million people, away from the people I know, away from my family.
But now that I am here, damn do I miss it all. I miss being so familiar with a place, I could just hop in a car and go anywhere I wanted to just from memory. Hell, I miss the convenience of having my own car and being able to go anywhere I wanted to go! I miss my family, my friends, even my acquaintances. I miss being able to see a familiar face, being able to look into their eyes and know that there is history between us. I guess what really ties us to a place is the people which resides in it. Home is not where you're born or where you sleep at night, its where your friends and family are.
Its funny how we never believe anything till we experience or see it for ourselves. Now I truly know the meaning of "we don't appreciate what we have till its gone". Moving to a new city on your own is not easy. Apart from finding your way around, finding a place to live, and getting settled in, there's also the emotional side of things. You're in a strange place full of strangers. You don't know the city, and the city certainly doesn't know you. I always thought that Australia would be exactly like New Zealand, but now I realize that I am still in another country, with its own rules, its own system, and its own culture. I am a foreigner in foreign lands. Its a challenge just getting used to the transport system here.
I guess im feeling the blues this morning. I suppose its a natural part of moving to a new place. You get homesick. I don't know anyone here. I can't just text a mate and ask to hang out, or grab some KFC and drive to a nice scenic spot. Sure, im getting slowly acquainted with my flatmates and they're both great people; sure I have distant relatives who can help me out should I really need it; sure I'll make new friends at Uni (already got some girl's number); but they will never come close to becoming a worthy substitute for my friends in NZ whom I grew up with and my real family. The friendships I have formed in NZ are those that last a lifetime. I will be very lucky if i can ever find the same kind of brohood again here in Aussieland.
But life goes on. I can't stay in the same place forever. I can't stay in my comfort zone forever. So it's better to venture out earlier than later. This is my chance to get a better education, to improve my chances of finding a good job, to live in a country that awards hard workers with a better life, and most importantly: to grow up.
I do not know this city yet, but I will. This city does not know me yet, but it shall. I think i need to stop staying in my room and feeling sad and go outside and explore the city of Melbourne. Well actually, just the suburb of Coburg for today.
Yes, I moved to Melbourne because I tired of Auckland. Yes, I wanted a clean slate and a new start in a place where no one knew me and the entire city was my playground, a place with endless opportunities for the taking, should I be willing to work hard enough. Yes, a part of me was running away. Away from the old me, away from my shitty academic history, away from a city of 1 million people, away from the people I know, away from my family.
But now that I am here, damn do I miss it all. I miss being so familiar with a place, I could just hop in a car and go anywhere I wanted to just from memory. Hell, I miss the convenience of having my own car and being able to go anywhere I wanted to go! I miss my family, my friends, even my acquaintances. I miss being able to see a familiar face, being able to look into their eyes and know that there is history between us. I guess what really ties us to a place is the people which resides in it. Home is not where you're born or where you sleep at night, its where your friends and family are.
Its funny how we never believe anything till we experience or see it for ourselves. Now I truly know the meaning of "we don't appreciate what we have till its gone". Moving to a new city on your own is not easy. Apart from finding your way around, finding a place to live, and getting settled in, there's also the emotional side of things. You're in a strange place full of strangers. You don't know the city, and the city certainly doesn't know you. I always thought that Australia would be exactly like New Zealand, but now I realize that I am still in another country, with its own rules, its own system, and its own culture. I am a foreigner in foreign lands. Its a challenge just getting used to the transport system here.
I guess im feeling the blues this morning. I suppose its a natural part of moving to a new place. You get homesick. I don't know anyone here. I can't just text a mate and ask to hang out, or grab some KFC and drive to a nice scenic spot. Sure, im getting slowly acquainted with my flatmates and they're both great people; sure I have distant relatives who can help me out should I really need it; sure I'll make new friends at Uni (already got some girl's number); but they will never come close to becoming a worthy substitute for my friends in NZ whom I grew up with and my real family. The friendships I have formed in NZ are those that last a lifetime. I will be very lucky if i can ever find the same kind of brohood again here in Aussieland.
But life goes on. I can't stay in the same place forever. I can't stay in my comfort zone forever. So it's better to venture out earlier than later. This is my chance to get a better education, to improve my chances of finding a good job, to live in a country that awards hard workers with a better life, and most importantly: to grow up.
I do not know this city yet, but I will. This city does not know me yet, but it shall. I think i need to stop staying in my room and feeling sad and go outside and explore the city of Melbourne. Well actually, just the suburb of Coburg for today.
Friday, 1 February 2013
五月天
"I met Bobby on the boardwalk, summer of '45
Picked me up late one night at the window,
He was 17 and crazy, running wild, wild."
My baby is coming back in 44hrs. 今天是我们的五月天 - the day of our 5 month anniversary. As usual, it'll be spent afar, alone, apart. Celebrated with a phone call, commemorated with a text. Even though we've been together for 5 months, it doesn't feel like its been that long. Maybe its because time flies when you're having fun, or maybe its because we've spent half the time hundreds and thousands of miles apart. To be honest, I don't know when the next time we can celebrate our anniversary together in person will be. Life is bittersweet right now. I've found my other half, yet I cannot be with her. I can finally study in Australia, but I don't have CSP. I guess everything comes at a price.
"Look at you, worrying so much about things you can't change
You'll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way."
I can't honestly say that these are things I cannot change. After all, I can just stay in Auckland and do my Masters here. But I feel like my destiny lies in Australia. This is my calling. This is my chance to fulfill my dreams.
love or career?
money or dreams?
Things aren't that simple. Life isn't so black and white. These are not opposing elements. One of my dreams IS to make lots of money. Also, pursuing one aspect at one point in time doesn't mean I have to give up on another aspect altogether. Just because I choose career right now doesnt mean I have to sacrifice love forever. Right now, my priorities are to make something of myself, so im willing to sacrifice love for the time being so that it will last longer in the future. If I don't make something of myself, if I cannot provide for her, if I don't have a sense of purpose, if I don't pursue my dreams, I don't think I will be able to keep any girl for long. That's why I have to do this. Im doing this for myself, and for us.
Picked me up late one night at the window,
He was 17 and crazy, running wild, wild."
My baby is coming back in 44hrs. 今天是我们的五月天 - the day of our 5 month anniversary. As usual, it'll be spent afar, alone, apart. Celebrated with a phone call, commemorated with a text. Even though we've been together for 5 months, it doesn't feel like its been that long. Maybe its because time flies when you're having fun, or maybe its because we've spent half the time hundreds and thousands of miles apart. To be honest, I don't know when the next time we can celebrate our anniversary together in person will be. Life is bittersweet right now. I've found my other half, yet I cannot be with her. I can finally study in Australia, but I don't have CSP. I guess everything comes at a price.
"Look at you, worrying so much about things you can't change
You'll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way."
I can't honestly say that these are things I cannot change. After all, I can just stay in Auckland and do my Masters here. But I feel like my destiny lies in Australia. This is my calling. This is my chance to fulfill my dreams.
love or career?
money or dreams?
Things aren't that simple. Life isn't so black and white. These are not opposing elements. One of my dreams IS to make lots of money. Also, pursuing one aspect at one point in time doesn't mean I have to give up on another aspect altogether. Just because I choose career right now doesnt mean I have to sacrifice love forever. Right now, my priorities are to make something of myself, so im willing to sacrifice love for the time being so that it will last longer in the future. If I don't make something of myself, if I cannot provide for her, if I don't have a sense of purpose, if I don't pursue my dreams, I don't think I will be able to keep any girl for long. That's why I have to do this. Im doing this for myself, and for us.
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