Mum, Dad, have I finally made you proud yet?

I think there is one thing that every son and daughter have in common, and that is the desire to make their parents proud. No matter whether it's getting a sticker for good behavior or getting a 6 figure job, we all want to watch our parents faces light up and see their eyes fill with pride. No matter whether you're a homeless person or the president of the USA, on some level, at some point in your life, you wished to make your parents proud of your achievements.

I'm sure a psychologist will break down and rationalise this innate desire that we all possess, and provide some reasoning behind this. But who gives a shit; the point is, we all feel it.

We all struggle to deal with our parents expectations. Some are better at dealing with it than others, and have found some form of balance or middle ground. Others are pressured or forced into doing things that conflict with their own interests and desires.

For me personally, I have been fortunate enough that I was never forced into doing anything I don't like. However, the need to live up to my parents expectations has always tormented me ever since my teenage years. Maybe it's the scar between my dads brow which makes it look like its constantly furrowed and that hes always angry or displeased, but I've always felt a desperate desire to make him happy. This often comes into conflict with my desire to make myself happy, and this has resulted in drama on numerous occassions (as some of you probably know). I guess I have father issues?

Either way, I've always wanted to make my parents proud, but my achievements always seem to get outdone by my failures. I would have one small achievement, give them hope, and then let them down even more. But being parents, they never quite give up on you, and will cling on to any bit of hope you give them. So when I announced that I wanted to study in Melbourne, even though it would cost $25k in fees alone, they happily paid it for me. I guess for them as parents, they wanted to reassure themselves that they did their best. The rest was up to me.

But even coming to Melbourne, being able to cook and look after myself while getting good academic results wasn't good enough for them. I still didn't have a job.

I would dread the phone call home every weekend because I know the topic would inevitably fall on my job hunt. The pressure was quite intense and sometimes I thought I wouldn't be able to hack it. I asked them when would I ever be able to satisfy them, when would they finally be content with my achievements, and the answer was that when I had a job.

Well recently, I found a job with the EPA which I am currently interning at. It's only a temporary position and it's just for 3 days a week, but hopefully it will turn into something more permanent in the future. The good news is, I actually like going to work, and the pay is good. The bad news is, I have to work up to 24 hrs a week while still managing a full study workload.

When I got the job, I was really happy. I was happy that I could finally make some money, that finally someone decided to give me a chance to show my true potential, that finally I found a job related to what i study. But the thought that seemed to predominate my mind was: Mum, Dad, have I finally made you proud yet?