The Future Is Uncertain

The future is uncertain.

I've been meaning to blog for a long time but somehow I just could never bring myself to write one. So much has happened in the past two months since my last proper blog post, Im not quite sure where to start.

My girlfriend came to Australia to visit me towards the end of June, and we spent two amazing weeks here in Melbourne and Sydney. I won't go into much detail about it, but it was the best two weeks of my life up till now. I was so genuinely happy. It almost made up for all the pain, longing, and loneliness we both had to endure for the previous four months leading up to that. Almost.

Time is like sand when you're having fun. The tighter you try to hold on to it, the faster it slips out of your grasp. Before I knew it, we were flying back to Auckland. Thinking back, it felt almost surreal. Did those two weeks really happen? Or was it simply a figment of my imagination; a dream that culminated from all my desires and wishes? I guess the only evidence that it was real was the hundreds of photos we took.

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Regardless, time ruthlessly moved on. Even the two weeks in Auckland flew past, and before I knew it, I was alone again sitting at my desk in Melbourne, getting ready for my final semester.

My final semester of uni. Wow. I'm pretty sure this isn't the first time I've said that this semester will be my final semester, but I hope it will be the last. Five years of university should be more than enough for anyone to endure. I'm not saying it was a painful process, but I'd rather be getting paid to write reports than be paying someone else so I could write one. I'm sure I'll feel nostalgic once I join the workforce, but I'm so ready to move on and begin my career. There's so much more that I have to learn, so many ways that I must challenge myself, and so much about me I need to prove, all of which cannot be done at university.

That is why I am so excited to start my internship this week. And a little bit scared. It's going to be my first time working for someone other than my parents, I don't know what to expect. Will I be able to adapt and deliver the necessary results, or will I fall apart and fail miserably? I know I don't have a lot of work experience, so I'll just have to make up for it with passion, enthusiasm and initiative.

This internship will also give me a first taste of what it's like to be in the workforce, particularly working in the environmental sector. Am I going to enjoy it? Or will I finally realise that uni are the best years of my life? These are also questions that I'm eager to find the answer to (hope it's not the latter).

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Either way, this semester will be just as tough if not tougher than the last. Other than maintaining my grades and performing well at work, I need to be on the prowl for full time jobs next year. You think postgrad is stressful? Wait till you start job hunting. You spend 2 - 4 hrs on each application just for the slimmest glimmer of hope that you will get at least an interview. But when you're competing with 200 - 300 people per position, even interviews are hard to come by. Whats most frustrating about the process is not the rejection itself, but not knowing WHY you have been rejected. HOW does my skills not fit your job description? WHAT am I doing wrong? At least with assignments, markers always provide feedback so that you can improve. Even when it comes to women, its a bit of a hit and miss game. If something doesn't work, you can always try something else. But with job hunting, how many fucking ways are there to say you have a Bachelor of Science on your CV? How many different eloquent ways can I describe how my skills can benefit your organisation?

Unlike my parents generation, who were allocated jobs upon graduation, we have to fight and compete and employ all kinds of methods just to find employment. I guess the only way forward is to keep on trying. My past experiences with women have taught me that every failure is another lesson on success. If I persevere, I know I will find a job to my satisfaction eventually.

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This brings me on to my final topic and the title of this post - my future. The future is uncertain. It's both an extremely exciting and terribly terrifying prospect. As a graduate, I will be looking for jobs all across Australia and New Zealand. Ideally, I would like to stay in Melbourne, or find a job in Sydney or Auckland. However, there is a high chance that I will end up in a remote or faraway place, like Perth, or Darwin, or Wagga Wagga (yes that is a real place), or Middle of Nowhere. To kick start my career, I have to be prepared to go to places that no one else wants to.

So basically, I have no idea where I'm going to end up next year. I will try my best to stay in Melbourne, but there's just so much uncertainty. What scares me the most is not whether I'll end up in a foreign place, but the implications it will have on my relationship. If I end up in a remote place, there's no guarantee that we can live and work in the same city in the next few years. What is going to happen to us? Will we still be together 5 years down the road, or will the machinations of life and the abyss of time and distance finally pull us apart? How many years can I appropriately ask someone to wait for me before it becomes inappropriate? She is the most important person in my life, but how does one find the right balance between career and love? Sacrifices will have to be made either way.

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So these are the thoughts that have been swirling around my head for the past two months and that I've been meaning to write down but never got around to. Not knowing what's going to happen to me in 6 months time is honestly really scary. It makes me feel insecure, like I have no control over things. But at the same time, if you knew how the rest of your life will exactly play out, what joy is there left in living life? Isn't the curiosity and suspense of not knowing what's going to happen next which makes life so interesting? I'll let you be the judge of that.

Anyways my dear readers, I apologise for not blogging in the past two months, I know you've all been DYING to read my posts ;)

In conclusion, I will say this: In the present, there is only one thing I can be sure about, and that is that the future is uncertain.