Its been exactly 9 months since we've met, and 7 months since we've been together. Sometimes i marvel at how quickly time flies, yet sometimes i think: "has it only been that long?" It seems like she's been by my side for as long as I could remember.
So I watched Lust Caution today, cause I wanted to watch a movie and that was what popped into my mind. It really made me think about what were the things that are most important to me. Love or glory?
In the movie, the character portrayed by Leehom chooses to dedicate his life to the Chinese war effort against Japan by becoming an undercover agent and in the process sacrifices a ordinary but happy life with the main female lead. In the end, him, her, and his whole team gets caught and executed and all was for naught, and the romantic within me thinks: "If i were him, I'd just stay in university, get a normal job, and lead a happy life with the pretty girl." But then I thought, how would I be able to live a normal life knowing that millions of my compatriots are being murdered and my country is being invaded? What about my sense of duty, honour, and compassion? Surely Im no coward.
Even though this was a purely hypothetical situation, i felt really conflicted. If i were really in his shoes, what would I do? I suppose there's really no right answer. I mean look at us now, living a life of over-consumption while war rages in Syria, Iraq, and parts of Africa and millions of people are suffering. Yet we live in our sheltered little lives, oblivious to all the misery, cruelty, and inhumanity that is taking place across the world. So really, is it any different now than it was 70 years ago? The scale of the conflict may be smaller, the countries involved may be different, but still, im choosing to live a safe, predictable, ordinary life rather than go out and change the world. Maybe ill still be able to do something to help the environment, but even that passion is dying now in my thirst for money, because that's what i seem to measure success with these days.
But then, every relationship is built on the foundations of financial security. Every girl wants to find a man that they are proud of. A man that is successful, a man that is mature, a man with drive and purpose and responsibility. To do this, we often have to work long hours or move to different cities in search of better education and job opportunities, thus sacrificing love. It's like a paradox.
I mean, we're only apart for a year now, but what happens if I find a job in Perth next year? Or worse, in the middle of nowhere? How long can we keep this long distance up just so I can become a 'successful' person? Where do we draw the line? When does it end?
I guess in the end, its all a matter of balance and knowing what's important to you. Its not unheard of for people to lose their relationships in the pursuit of success. Maybe they're okay with that, because money is more important to them, or because they can find someone else. But maybe they'll regret it. I am an emotive person, and im also a romantic. As much as I want to make my parents proud, my emotional wellbeing is more important to me. I don't want to lose what i have now, i think she's a very special girl. So i guess what im trying to say is, she is more important to me than being successful or having money. So no matter what, I want to be living in the same city as her when we both graduate.
Love or glory? I choose happiness.
No comments:
Post a Comment