its 2:37am. i wish i could just fall asleep in an instant, but instead im kept awake by this constant coughing and general discomfort. i really hate being sick. its almost ironic, getting sick from going to the gym. i thought exercise was meant to be good for you.
i dont know what it is about the depth of night, but whenever it gets to around this hour, i seem to feel lonely. im largely oblivious to loneliness during the day, but at night, it seems to creep up on me. it seeps from the corners of my room and hangs thick in the air, making it hard to breathe. its around these times that i really wish i had someone to talk to - someone who is also alone, awake, and afraid of the silence.
i really envy those who do have someone. i really do. someone to keep the loneliness at bay. someone to offer a warm word, a strong shoulder. or simply someone who can lull you to sleep with the steady rhythm of their breathing.
those people that do have someone like that, are very lucky. therefore, what really puzzles me is why some people choose to push away their special someone, the person that cares, and instead choose to embrace the misery of loneliness. if it were up to me, id spend every waking moment with them. id hold on to them, and never let go. ive had 20 years of personal space, and frankly, im sick of it.
sure, i do love my own company. im thankful for the personalities that i have, and i love how well i get along with myself. i guess i should at least be thankful for that. but nothing quite compares to the warmth of another's soul. the softness of another's body. or the gentleness of another's touch. what my mind cannot fathom is, why would someone choose to thrive in loneliness and misery, when they have someone that cares about them.
this has nothing to do with emotional or mental strength. it is normal to desire the company of another living organism that is similar to yourself. it is the natural order of this world.
dont fight it.
embrace it.
cherish it.
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