I could easily fall madly in love with this girl

Middlemist Red

This is one of the rarest flowers in the world, with only 2 known examples in existence. One is located in Britain, and another is found here in New Zealand, in a garden in Waitangi.

Isn't it pretty? I wonder what it would be like, to look upon its fragile form and inhale its sweet scent, knowing that its beauty is almost one of a kind in this world?

Guys need some help please:

For my job interview tomorrow, should I:

a) wear my glasses to appear smart and educated
or
b) wear contacts so as to appear more normal and un-nerdy

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated~

And thus ends my three years at university.

I really feel like i should express some sentiments, or i wouldn't be doing justice to my three years at university.

When time flies, it means you've been having a good time. Despite all my hopes, aspirations and expectations for university life, it has passed by in the blink of an eye, and i have to say its been a helluva ride. University is like dark chocolate. It is a bittersweet experience that you savour every moment of, the aftertaste of which still lingers long after the experience.

These past three years have really been fun. I have met so many wonderful new people who are now an important part of my life, and strengthened my relationships with friends i already have. I have experienced so many types of cuisine, social activity, and narcotic substances. I have expanded my knowledge of the world, and elevated my perception and way of thinking to a new and mature height. Oh, and i got a degree. But that's not really important.

Many say that these years will be the best years of our lives. But i believe that the best years of my life are still ahead of me. I only have the slightest inkling of what my future holds for me, but i am excited at the prospect of a new era in my life. Even if i return to university to continue with postgraduate study, things will be different. I will no longer be an undergraduate, and my responsibilities will have shifted.

Of course i cannot say that these three years have been without regret. Despite all that i have experienced, i have come no where near to living university life to the fullest. I now wish that i had studied harder, attended more lectures, and interacted with my classmates and lecturers more. I wish that i had participated in more university activities and social clubs, and attended more social events. I also wish that i had found a part time job while i was studying.

But nonetheless, these past three years have been very endearing to me. Everything that i have done, and not done; all the laughter, smiles, sweat, and tears, have culminated in an unique experience that i can call my own. Looking back, i would have done things differently, but i wouldn't trade my three years here with anyone else'. I am greatly saddened that these three years have come to an end, but the future is too alluring to ponder the past for too long.

To all my friends who are also graduating this year, I sincerely wish you the best of luck for the future. Whatever decision you have made about your future, please think over it wisely, and know that i will always support you, and be there in times of need.

Just remember, there is no one right way to life your life, so just choose the path that will offer you the greatest amount of happiness.

Instead of being crazy cat lady

Ill probably end up being retarded rabbit guy. This is supposed to be my brothers pet, and already im growing attached to it. Its just so damn cute.

Honestly, why is it that when people talk to cute animals or babies, they instantaneously revert to using a retarded tone and start acting all silly? Why cant we just talk to them normally? Its not like they can understand us any better by talking like a retard. Not even babies talk like that. I'm so glad no girl is here to see me talk to my rabbit, or id charm the pants right onto them.

I wish i was a badass pirate

Like Jack Sparrow. Then i could sail the seven seas and find treasures and command a crew and look into a telescope and steer a ship and not have to worry about studying or finding a respectable well paying job or feeling the need to live up to societys expectations.
Instead id be a badass motherfucking renegade that drinks rum from the bottle, woo mermaids/whores/manatees, and have a pet parrot.  Id get to fight with cutlasses, shoot people with muskets, and make mutineers walk on a plank placed conveniently above a school of hungry sharks.
And best of all, id get to talk cool.

Hope

I'm sure that if I study hard now, I can still get good grades this semester.
I'm sure if I look hard now, I can still find a job, whether it be part time work over the summer, or a permanent position with a salary.
I'm sure if I work hard now, I can regain my fitness, build up my strength, and become healthy again.
I'm sure I can still find the courage within me to propel myself into society, whether it be to work, to live alone, or to socialise and meet new people.
I'm sure if I set my mind to it, things will work out. I will find a good stable job, the right girl, and the respect and approval from my parents which I so desperately crave. I will be able to develop the skills that will allow me to live a successful, happy life.

I just need to believe in myself. I need to motivate myself. Discipline myself. Control myself.
I need to stop playing Starcraft. I need to stop being disillusioned with society. It is a big, ruthless, and fiercely competitive world out there. If I cannot offer the skills and experiences a company looks for, they will mercilessly reject me. Its every man for himself, and money doesnt grow on trees. My parents won't protect me forever. I need to pull my life together.

In the years ahead, I will probably get hurt, get rejected, get embarrassed, get discriminated against, get robbed, get beaten down.
I will cry, I will sweat, I will bleed, and I might even die.

But if everyone else can make it through, so can I.

If there is a will, there is a way.

Why the fuck did i play monopoly till 3? Theres seriously something wrong with me. I should've just forfeited and gone home.

Song of Despair - Pablo Neruda

The memory of you emerges from the night around me. 
The river mingles in its stubborn lament with the sea. 
 Deserted like the wharves at dawn. 

It is the hour of departure, oh deserted one!

Cold flower heads are raining in my heart. 

Oh pit of debris, fierce cave of the shipwrecked. 

In you the wars and the flights accumulated

From you the wings of the song birds rose. 
 

You swallowed everything, like distance.

 Like the sea, like time. In you everything sank!

It was the happy hour of assault and the kiss.

The hour of the spell that blazed like a lighthouse. 

Pilot's dread, fury of a blind driver,

turbulent drunkenness of love, in you everything sank. 

In the childhood of mist my soul, winged and wounded. 

Lost discoverer, in you everything sank!

 You girdled sorrow, you clung to desire, 

sadness stunned you, in you everything sank!

I  made the wall of shadow draw back,

 beyond desire and act, I walked on. 

Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman that I loved and lost, 

I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you. 

Like a jar you housed the infinite tendernes

sand the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar.

There was the black solitude of the islands,

 and there, woman of love, your arms took me in. 

There were thirst and hunger, and you were the fruit. 

There were grief and ruins, and you were the miracle. 

Ah woman, I do not know how you could contain me

 in the earth of your soul, in the cross of your arms! 

How horrible and brief was my desire of you!

How difficult and drunken, how tensed and avid. 

Cemetery of kisses, there is still fire in your tombs, 

still the fruited boughs burn, pecked at by birds. 

Oh the bitter mouth, oh the kissed limbs, 

oh the hungering teeth, oh the entwined bodies.

Oh the mad coupling of hope and force 

in which we merged and despaired. 

And the tenderness, light as water and as flour. 

And the word scarcely begun on the lips. 

This was my destiny and in it was the voyage of my longing, 

and in it my longing fell, in you everything sank. 

Oh pit of debris, everything fell into you, 

what sorrow did you not express, in what sorrow are you not 

drowned! 

From billow to billow you still called and sang. 

Standing like a sailor on the prow of the vessel. 

You still flowered in songs, you still broke in currents. 

Oh pit of debris, open and bitter well. 

Pale blind diver, luckless slinger, 

lost discoverer, in you everything sank! 

It is the hour of departure, the hard cold hour 

in which the night fastens to all timetables. 

The rustling belt of the sea girdles the shore. 

Cold stars heave up, black birds migrate. 

Deserted like the wharves at dawn. 

Only the tremulous shadow twists in my hands. 

Oh farther than everything. Oh farther than everything. 

It is the hour of departure. Oh abandoned one!

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You'd think otherwise
But no its true.


Roses are red
Violets are blue
Im so fucking bored
What should i do?


Roses are red
Violets are blue
I dont wanna study
How about you?


Lectures are unread
Assignments are due
Yet all i can do is sit here
And write a shitty rhyme or two.


Motivation is dead
Perseverance is through
How will i ace my exams
I havnt a clue.


The moon has left
Leaving a trail of dew
The morning is beautiful
If only i knew.

Rofl the things i blurt out arnt strange

They just appear strange because they're out of context.
If people could read my mind and see all the logical steps i took to come to that conclusion, they would realise how much sense it actually makes.
Its because my mind jumps two steps instead of one, and i fail to realise that people cannot make the connection because they can only take one step.
Alot of people have wondered what Judge Judy wears under her robe.
Its not weird at all.
Owell, i guess thats just something ill have to learn to deal with.
People misunderstanding me that is, not what Judge Judy wears under her robe.
Thats her business.

oh and soz amy about the crack at lynfield, it was pretty uncalled for, and not the least bit funny.

One of my favourite Taylor songs

Sometimes, perfection is not what we're looking for.
Isn't being flawless a flaw in itself?
I wish they would make an MV for this.


The Way I Loved You

He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
He says everything I need to hear and it's like
I couldn't ask for anything better

He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says, you look beautiful tonight
And I feel perfectly fine

But I've been screamin' and fightin'
And kissin' in the rain
And it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and comin' undone
It's a roller-coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

He respects my space and never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will
He's close to my mother
Talks business with my father
He's charming and endearing, and I'm comfortable

But I've been screamin' and fightin'
And kissin' in the rain
And it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and comin' undone
It's a roller-coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

He can't see the smile I'm fakin'
And my heart's not breakin'
'Cause I'm not feelin' anything at all

And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated
Got away by some mistake and now

I'll be screamin' and fightin'
And kissin' in the rain
It's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name
I'm so in love that I acted insane
And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and comin' undone
It's a roller-coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

And that's the way I loved you
I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

This is potentially the last proper assignment i will ever do in my educational life

Its 2500 words and i have 17 hours before its due. I've pulled through every time in the past 14 years of education (not counting kindergarten), through countless assignments and projects. I wonder if i can pull it off, one last time. Here goes nothing.

For a friend in need.

Whenever i finish watching a Japanese animated movie, im left sitting there in a state of peaceful happiness, yet feeling strangely melancholic. Its seems that the endings of Japanese animated movies are never quite satisfying. They always leave me with a bittersweet sensation and a yearning for something more, whether it be the ability to be transported into that magical dimension, or simply for the main characters to live happily ever after. Upon finishing "The Girl Who Leapt Through Time", i am left scouring the internet forums for some sort of closure once again.

The movie addresses the age old issue of time travel, of humanities desire to master the fourth dimension in order to undo past mistakes, to relive a happy memory, or to simply prolong our stay in the material world. It is a concept that each and every one of us have thought about at some point in time. This is because every one of us have felt the pangs of regret at some point in our lives, whether it be just before an examination, or right after a break up. We have all felt regret, if not remorse. This stems from our imperfection, and our subsequent and unavoidable capacity for making mistakes. As a result, we wish for the chance to undo our mistakes, to take a different course of action. And the only way we feel we can achieve this is to travel back in time.

What "The Girl Who Leapt Through Time" teaches us is not the joys and wonders of the ability to travel back in time, but rather the consequences of manipulating time. Ironically, the protagonist ends up in a worse situation than before she gained the ability to skip through our time stream, and as a result tries to undo all her mistakes by traveling to the time frame at the beginning of the movie. Yet despite this, the damage had been done, and she inadvertently lost the boy that she loved.

But life goes on. Time can be unforgiving, but it can also be kind. Over time and with the help of those around her, her wounds will heal. She will continue to live normally, and one day she will meet another boy, and she will fall in love again. Such is the virtue of time.

What this movie has taught me is, even if we had mastery over time travel, we cannot find true happiness by altering the past. No one should be given the power to manipulate time, it would completely disrupt the fragile balance of this world, not to mention fuck with my mind. Yet at the same time, we are all truly masters of time. We have complete control over what we do with our own time. And although we cannot undo the past, we can learn from it so that we can better our future, and if we're lucky, we just might be able to find true happiness one day.

There's really no point wallowing in the misery of regret. The milk has already been spilt. Instead, harness that regret and forge it into action -  action that will change the outcome of our future. So if you really think about it, we are all time travellers. We can delve into the past through our memories, analyse the situation, and change the future accordingly. I guess what im trying to say is, there really is no single right way to live your life. Whats important is that you follow your hearts desire, and take actions that will produce outcomes with the greatest amounts of happiness.

I shall conclude this post with a quote from the movie:

"Time waits for no one."

So, what are you waiting for?

To all those who are alone, awake, and afraid of the silence.

its 2:37am. i wish i could just fall asleep in an instant, but instead im kept awake by this constant coughing and general discomfort. i really hate being sick. its almost ironic, getting sick from going to the gym. i thought exercise was meant to be good for you.

i dont know what it is about the depth of night, but whenever it gets to around this hour, i seem to feel lonely. im largely oblivious to loneliness during the day, but at night, it seems to creep up on me. it seeps from the corners of my room and hangs thick in the air, making it hard to breathe. its around these times that i really wish i had someone to talk to - someone who is also alone, awake, and afraid of the silence.

i really envy those who do have someone. i really do. someone to keep the loneliness at bay. someone to offer a warm word, a strong shoulder. or simply someone who can lull you to sleep with the steady rhythm of their breathing.

those people that do have someone like that, are very lucky. therefore, what really puzzles me is why some people choose to push away their special someone, the person that cares, and instead choose to embrace the misery of loneliness. if it were up to me, id spend every waking moment with them. id hold on to them, and never let go. ive had 20 years of personal space, and frankly, im sick of it.

sure, i do love my own company. im thankful for the personalities that i have, and i love how well i get along with myself. i guess i should at least be thankful for that. but nothing quite compares to the warmth of another's soul. the softness of another's body. or the gentleness of another's touch. what my mind cannot fathom is, why would someone choose to thrive in loneliness and misery, when they have someone that cares about them.

this has nothing to do with emotional or mental strength. it is normal to desire the company of another living organism that is similar to yourself. it is the natural order of this world.

dont fight it.
embrace it.
cherish it.

Day.

As the sun rushes the moon to leave
My heart postpones its needs
Fresh skies appear where blue is not blue
And you will return to you

I look outside my window
Street lights no longer light the road
My love for you must wait awhile
And let you walk your miles alone

To give you distance
May mean we'll be close
It's worth the wait
A choice I chose

'Cause I love you
I must let you live your own way


Just remember not to forget me
like how the night forgets the day.

Stand by me

I was cleaning the toilet when this song idea just popped out

Clean You

It's a saturday night
Im looking for something productive to do
Hey house
I think Im gonna clean you

Is it the plethora of flies
Or is it the dried orange juice?
Who cares really
I think Im gonna clean you

Well, Im an able bodied chap
And i hate coming back to a dirty home
So I wipe the toilet bowl
Put in a new roll

Empty out the cigarette ash
Got a bucket full of trash that needs to go
Sink of dishes n bowls
Youre in peril

The dust mites say no, no, no, no, no
The laundry say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And they've all got to go, go, go, go, go
A man that can do chores, is pretty sexy

'Cause it's a saturday night
Im looking for something productive to do
Hey house
I think Im gonna clean you

Community

I've never really been a TV series person, but god do i love Community. It has got to be the quirkiest, funniest, most entertaining, yet surprisingly heart warming show ever. In a community college full of weird, socially awkward people, i feel like i can fit right in.

You know, I use to really despise being called socially awkward, i thought it was some sort of shameful personality flaw, that somehow, it made me a lesser person. Well, now i openly embrace my awkwardness. It is a part of who i am, and it is something i can never change because i will always be me. The way i talk, the way i think, is what defines the person i am. If being socially accepted means feeling ashamed of the person i am, then fuck social convention, fuck the social norm. Im not going to let society's perception of how i should behave, dictate how i conduct myself. Because you know what? Society's pretty awkward itself. And its dysfunctional, its discriminatory, and its depraved. It is simply an amalgamation of selfish, socially dysfunctional human beings trying their best to coexist with one another.

What makes the show so amazing is that each and every character is socially inept on some level. And watching their honest, entertaining, and sometimes painful attempts to communicate and connect with one another really speaks to my heart. Each and every one of us have communication problems on some level. Even the confident, narcissistic playboy who knows how to chat up women, has problems interacting honestly with the people around him. No one wants to watch a show where every character just behaves in a socially acceptable way. Thats fucking boring.

I am proud of who i am, and if someone were to look down on me because they behave in a socially more acceptable way, then it begs the question, does that make them more of a person, or less?