Im going to try and quit smoking after i graduate this year. Especially if I find a job, i think it'll be easier for me to quit, as strange as that might sound. Some people might argue that working gives you greater stress, but I find that I tend to smoke less on days I have work.

1. this is because I don't want to smell like smoke at work so I don't smoke till I get home.
2. a large part of my smoking is a result of stress from not being able to find a job. I think if i have my own income, I will feel a lot less pressure from myself and my parents, and will feel a lesser need to smoke.
3. i often smoke because i have too much free time on my hands. having a job will take up most of my free time so that ill be too busy to have idle time to have a cigarette.

Even though the amount that I smoke is considered very little in comparison to most smokers, im still probably gonna get cancer if I keep this up. So yea, really going to try and cut down on those deathsticks once uni finishes up this year. Without having to worry about my grades, i think I will have alot more energy to concentrate on giving up smoking.

For the benefit of my health in the long term, i think this is definitely my top priority once my studies are finished.

The 22nd

If one day you asked me "how many were there before me?"
I will look deeply into your eyes and this is what I will say:


Since I've been born, I've liked:
3 girls in primary,
2 girl in intermediate,
8 girls in highschool, and
8 girls in university.

That's a total of 21 girls that I've liked, 21 unrequited loves, for the 21 years I've been in this world before I met you.

In the 22nd year of my life, I met and fell in love with you.

You are the 22nd.


TROLOLOLOLOL

Clubbing, take 2

So I think I made a post about clubbing around 2 years ago listing all the reasons why its such a disappointment and waste of money. Well contrary to what I said in that post, I actually had a good clubbing experience last night. It was still expensive as fuck, and i won't be going again unless I have my own income, but i had fun.

I don't know why. Maybe it was because it was my first time clubbing in Melbourne and the novelty of it made it fun. Maybe it was because the clubs in Auckland were just shit. Maybe it was because the people I went with were fun. Maybe it was because this time i wasn't trying to 'get girls'. Maybe it was because I found that perfect level of drunkeness where you could let go of your inhibitions and have fun without completely losing control of yourself. Or maybe it was a combination of these things.

Regardless of the reasons, I was able to let go of myself and just danced all night. I used to think it was awkward to dance by yourself. But last night, if I wasn't dancing with people I knew, I would just dance by myself. It didn't matter, because you become immersed in the crowd and the music and its like everyone is dancing together. In reality, no one actually gives a shit about what youre doing so I stopped caring and just lost myself in the music. Plus its a lot better than standing in the periphery looking into the crowd like a creep.

It felt really good to let go i have to say. Even though I don't like to go clubbing, I've always enjoyed the club environment. The thumping bass of the music, the pulsing energy of the crowd, the feel good vibe that everyone gave off, it gets me so high. When this is mixed with the perfect amount of alcohol, I was able to lose myself. I found myself closing my eyes and letting the rhythm of the music take control of my body. All the pain, stress and pressures that have accumulated within me this year and all my worries about the future were exuded from my body through the pores of my skin and evaporated into thin air. I felt light and free and simultaneously the urge to scream with all my might.

I haven't felt this way since the Motley Crue concert 6 months ago.

I don't think last night has changed my opinion of clubs, but I can see now why people go there so much. I think its good to let go all that pent up negative emotions once in a while and dancing at clubs may be a good outlet for that, especially techno/trance/electronic music...

...or maybe they're just there to get laid.

I can't believe it's already been a year.

Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

I feel like the luckiest guy alive to have you in my life.

You give me a sense of purpose, something to fight for and protect.

You give me support and comfort when I need it most.

But most of all, you give me happiness everyday.

这是一首简单的小情歌

唱着我们心头的白鸽

我想我很快乐

当有你的温热

 脚边的空气转了

没有一点点防备

也没有以顾虑

你就这样出现在我的世界

带给我惊喜

情不自禁

世界之大为何我们相遇

难道是缘分难道是天意

你存在

我深深的脑海里

我的梦里

我的心里

我的歌声里

我的生活里

你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒

我会给你怀抱

就算整个世界被寂寞绑票

我也不会奔跑

我会给你怀抱

一年快乐宝贝儿！

10 places that I want to travel to in the world, in descending order

1. China - it's my birthplace and motherland. I want to travel to every corner of china and experience all the different aspects of chinese life and culture. I want to get to know my roots. Not to mention China is one of the most scenically diverse countries in the world.

2. New Zealand - I've never been to the South Island despite calling this country my home for the last 13 years. The furtherest south i've been is Hastings, that's pretty damn embarrassing.

3. Europe - who doesn't want to go to Europe?

4. Australia - I live here now, so might as well right?

5. South America - I've met so many awesome people from South America this year and they all seem genuinely nice. Really makes me want to visit that place, esp since its got some of the most beautiful scenic places in the world.

6. Southeast Asia - despite all the bad stuff you hear about it, it would still be an amazing experience im sure.

7. North America - No matter how much I dislike Americans, still gotta go there and see for myself exactly what makes these people so damn arrogant right?

8. Korea and Japan - the home of Starcraft, kpop, anime, takoyaki, jav, and all things weird, definitely worth seeing in this lifetime, even though there's the chance of getting cancer from all the radiation.

9. Egypt - the birth place of one of the oldest civilizations in the world, definitely worth the visit. Plus I can say i've been to Africa without having to risk getting myself killed.

10. Antarctica - how many people can say they've been to Antarctica?

The Future Is Uncertain

The future is uncertain.

I've been meaning to blog for a long time but somehow I just could never bring myself to write one. So much has happened in the past two months since my last proper blog post, Im not quite sure where to start.

My girlfriend came to Australia to visit me towards the end of June, and we spent two amazing weeks here in Melbourne and Sydney. I won't go into much detail about it, but it was the best two weeks of my life up till now. I was so genuinely happy. It almost made up for all the pain, longing, and loneliness we both had to endure for the previous four months leading up to that. Almost.

Time is like sand when you're having fun. The tighter you try to hold on to it, the faster it slips out of your grasp. Before I knew it, we were flying back to Auckland. Thinking back, it felt almost surreal. Did those two weeks really happen? Or was it simply a figment of my imagination; a dream that culminated from all my desires and wishes? I guess the only evidence that it was real was the hundreds of photos we took.

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Regardless, time ruthlessly moved on. Even the two weeks in Auckland flew past, and before I knew it, I was alone again sitting at my desk in Melbourne, getting ready for my final semester.

My final semester of uni. Wow. I'm pretty sure this isn't the first time I've said that this semester will be my final semester, but I hope it will be the last. Five years of university should be more than enough for anyone to endure. I'm not saying it was a painful process, but I'd rather be getting paid to write reports than be paying someone else so I could write one. I'm sure I'll feel nostalgic once I join the workforce, but I'm so ready to move on and begin my career. There's so much more that I have to learn, so many ways that I must challenge myself, and so much about me I need to prove, all of which cannot be done at university.

That is why I am so excited to start my internship this week. And a little bit scared. It's going to be my first time working for someone other than my parents, I don't know what to expect. Will I be able to adapt and deliver the necessary results, or will I fall apart and fail miserably? I know I don't have a lot of work experience, so I'll just have to make up for it with passion, enthusiasm and initiative.

This internship will also give me a first taste of what it's like to be in the workforce, particularly working in the environmental sector. Am I going to enjoy it? Or will I finally realise that uni are the best years of my life? These are also questions that I'm eager to find the answer to (hope it's not the latter).

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Either way, this semester will be just as tough if not tougher than the last. Other than maintaining my grades and performing well at work, I need to be on the prowl for full time jobs next year. You think postgrad is stressful? Wait till you start job hunting. You spend 2 - 4 hrs on each application just for the slimmest glimmer of hope that you will get at least an interview. But when you're competing with 200 - 300 people per position, even interviews are hard to come by. Whats most frustrating about the process is not the rejection itself, but not knowing WHY you have been rejected. HOW does my skills not fit your job description? WHAT am I doing wrong? At least with assignments, markers always provide feedback so that you can improve. Even when it comes to women, its a bit of a hit and miss game. If something doesn't work, you can always try something else. But with job hunting, how many fucking ways are there to say you have a Bachelor of Science on your CV? How many different eloquent ways can I describe how my skills can benefit your organisation?

Unlike my parents generation, who were allocated jobs upon graduation, we have to fight and compete and employ all kinds of methods just to find employment. I guess the only way forward is to keep on trying. My past experiences with women have taught me that every failure is another lesson on success. If I persevere, I know I will find a job to my satisfaction eventually.

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This brings me on to my final topic and the title of this post - my future. The future is uncertain. It's both an extremely exciting and terribly terrifying prospect. As a graduate, I will be looking for jobs all across Australia and New Zealand. Ideally, I would like to stay in Melbourne, or find a job in Sydney or Auckland. However, there is a high chance that I will end up in a remote or faraway place, like Perth, or Darwin, or Wagga Wagga (yes that is a real place), or Middle of Nowhere. To kick start my career, I have to be prepared to go to places that no one else wants to.

So basically, I have no idea where I'm going to end up next year. I will try my best to stay in Melbourne, but there's just so much uncertainty. What scares me the most is not whether I'll end up in a foreign place, but the implications it will have on my relationship. If I end up in a remote place, there's no guarantee that we can live and work in the same city in the next few years. What is going to happen to us? Will we still be together 5 years down the road, or will the machinations of life and the abyss of time and distance finally pull us apart? How many years can I appropriately ask someone to wait for me before it becomes inappropriate? She is the most important person in my life, but how does one find the right balance between career and love? Sacrifices will have to be made either way.

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So these are the thoughts that have been swirling around my head for the past two months and that I've been meaning to write down but never got around to. Not knowing what's going to happen to me in 6 months time is honestly really scary. It makes me feel insecure, like I have no control over things. But at the same time, if you knew how the rest of your life will exactly play out, what joy is there left in living life? Isn't the curiosity and suspense of not knowing what's going to happen next which makes life so interesting? I'll let you be the judge of that.

Anyways my dear readers, I apologise for not blogging in the past two months, I know you've all been DYING to read my posts ;)

In conclusion, I will say this: In the present, there is only one thing I can be sure about, and that is that the future is uncertain.

Im glad we finally got to celebrate in person

Happy 10 months baby =]