Lol so my FB feed has been rather molested today by graduation statuses and photos. It nice to see everyone so happy and full of hopeful, and all this hype about graduation is making me excited about my own imminent graduation.
In less than 2 months I will have finished all my assessments for my Masters. Its been a long and rocky journey, but it seems like I will be emerging from the other side rather unscathed. Maybe this time I will finally don the graduation gown and join in the festivities as I feel like I actually have something worth celebrating about. My Bachelors of Science was tragic enough to warrant a Shakespeare play written after it and I wish I could erase it from the memories of this world, but I can't. What's done has been done. I will have to live with my mistakes for the rest of my life because your uni grades are for life. However im glad that I've still managed to turn things around somewhat in the last two years, so I haven't thrown my life away completely. I guess it goes to show that its never too late to turn your life around.
I am excited about graduating because of the uncertainties and the possibilities that will follow. No matter what I choose to do now, Im pretty much on my own and will have to find a way to support myself. No matter what I will end up doing next year, be it working or doing a PhD, this marks the end of another chapter of my life. I feel thankful for the second chance life has given me, allowing me to do Postgrad, and then Masters at Melbourne. I am also thankful for my parents continuous support, no matter what choices I make (as long as they're good).
I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel now. No matter how tough the next two months is going to be (and it will be), I hope I can find the strength and will power to push through and end all of this on a good note. Fight on :)
Wednesday, 25 September 2013
Monday, 23 September 2013
Lyrics from my heart
The first time i heard this song, I thought it was really nice, but didnt' think much of it. But somehow when i listened to it again tonight, the lyrics seems to just resonate with my heart. I feel like this song is singing my life right now.
当我站在大桥上面 静静凝视高速公路
没有人能知道我有多想哭
那些纵横交错的路 就像这生命虚无方向
抱紧我抱紧我 直到我有一种温暖的感觉
我真的需要你来爱护我 像个孩子
当我站在大桥下面 默默注视这个城市
没有人能知道我有多孤独
那些沉默伫立的楼 就像我一样寂寞无助
抱紧我抱紧我 直到我有一种温暖的感觉
我真的需要你来理解我 像个孩子一样
Tuesday, 17 September 2013
Im going to try and quit smoking after i graduate this year. Especially if I find a job, i think it'll be easier for me to quit, as strange as that might sound. Some people might argue that working gives you greater stress, but I find that I tend to smoke less on days I have work.
1. this is because I don't want to smell like smoke at work so I don't smoke till I get home.
2. a large part of my smoking is a result of stress from not being able to find a job. I think if i have my own income, I will feel a lot less pressure from myself and my parents, and will feel a lesser need to smoke.
3. i often smoke because i have too much free time on my hands. having a job will take up most of my free time so that ill be too busy to have idle time to have a cigarette.
Even though the amount that I smoke is considered very little in comparison to most smokers, im still probably gonna get cancer if I keep this up. So yea, really going to try and cut down on those deathsticks once uni finishes up this year. Without having to worry about my grades, i think I will have alot more energy to concentrate on giving up smoking.
For the benefit of my health in the long term, i think this is definitely my top priority once my studies are finished.
1. this is because I don't want to smell like smoke at work so I don't smoke till I get home.
2. a large part of my smoking is a result of stress from not being able to find a job. I think if i have my own income, I will feel a lot less pressure from myself and my parents, and will feel a lesser need to smoke.
3. i often smoke because i have too much free time on my hands. having a job will take up most of my free time so that ill be too busy to have idle time to have a cigarette.
Even though the amount that I smoke is considered very little in comparison to most smokers, im still probably gonna get cancer if I keep this up. So yea, really going to try and cut down on those deathsticks once uni finishes up this year. Without having to worry about my grades, i think I will have alot more energy to concentrate on giving up smoking.
For the benefit of my health in the long term, i think this is definitely my top priority once my studies are finished.
Friday, 13 September 2013
The 22nd
If one day you asked me "how many were there before me?"
I will look deeply into your eyes and this is what I will say:
Since I've been born, I've liked:
3 girls in primary,
2 girl in intermediate,
8 girls in highschool, and
8 girls in university.
That's a total of 21 girls that I've liked, 21 unrequited loves, for the 21 years I've been in this world before I met you.
In the 22nd year of my life, I met and fell in love with you.
You are the 22nd.
TROLOLOLOLOL
I will look deeply into your eyes and this is what I will say:
Since I've been born, I've liked:
3 girls in primary,
2 girl in intermediate,
8 girls in highschool, and
8 girls in university.
That's a total of 21 girls that I've liked, 21 unrequited loves, for the 21 years I've been in this world before I met you.
In the 22nd year of my life, I met and fell in love with you.
You are the 22nd.
TROLOLOLOLOL
Sunday, 8 September 2013
Clubbing, take 2
So I think I made a post about clubbing around 2 years ago listing all the reasons why its such a disappointment and waste of money. Well contrary to what I said in that post, I actually had a good clubbing experience last night. It was still expensive as fuck, and i won't be going again unless I have my own income, but i had fun.
I don't know why. Maybe it was because it was my first time clubbing in Melbourne and the novelty of it made it fun. Maybe it was because the clubs in Auckland were just shit. Maybe it was because the people I went with were fun. Maybe it was because this time i wasn't trying to 'get girls'. Maybe it was because I found that perfect level of drunkeness where you could let go of your inhibitions and have fun without completely losing control of yourself. Or maybe it was a combination of these things.
Regardless of the reasons, I was able to let go of myself and just danced all night. I used to think it was awkward to dance by yourself. But last night, if I wasn't dancing with people I knew, I would just dance by myself. It didn't matter, because you become immersed in the crowd and the music and its like everyone is dancing together. In reality, no one actually gives a shit about what youre doing so I stopped caring and just lost myself in the music. Plus its a lot better than standing in the periphery looking into the crowd like a creep.
It felt really good to let go i have to say. Even though I don't like to go clubbing, I've always enjoyed the club environment. The thumping bass of the music, the pulsing energy of the crowd, the feel good vibe that everyone gave off, it gets me so high. When this is mixed with the perfect amount of alcohol, I was able to lose myself. I found myself closing my eyes and letting the rhythm of the music take control of my body. All the pain, stress and pressures that have accumulated within me this year and all my worries about the future were exuded from my body through the pores of my skin and evaporated into thin air. I felt light and free and simultaneously the urge to scream with all my might.
I haven't felt this way since the Motley Crue concert 6 months ago.
I don't think last night has changed my opinion of clubs, but I can see now why people go there so much. I think its good to let go all that pent up negative emotions once in a while and dancing at clubs may be a good outlet for that, especially techno/trance/electronic music...
...or maybe they're just there to get laid.
I don't know why. Maybe it was because it was my first time clubbing in Melbourne and the novelty of it made it fun. Maybe it was because the clubs in Auckland were just shit. Maybe it was because the people I went with were fun. Maybe it was because this time i wasn't trying to 'get girls'. Maybe it was because I found that perfect level of drunkeness where you could let go of your inhibitions and have fun without completely losing control of yourself. Or maybe it was a combination of these things.
Regardless of the reasons, I was able to let go of myself and just danced all night. I used to think it was awkward to dance by yourself. But last night, if I wasn't dancing with people I knew, I would just dance by myself. It didn't matter, because you become immersed in the crowd and the music and its like everyone is dancing together. In reality, no one actually gives a shit about what youre doing so I stopped caring and just lost myself in the music. Plus its a lot better than standing in the periphery looking into the crowd like a creep.
It felt really good to let go i have to say. Even though I don't like to go clubbing, I've always enjoyed the club environment. The thumping bass of the music, the pulsing energy of the crowd, the feel good vibe that everyone gave off, it gets me so high. When this is mixed with the perfect amount of alcohol, I was able to lose myself. I found myself closing my eyes and letting the rhythm of the music take control of my body. All the pain, stress and pressures that have accumulated within me this year and all my worries about the future were exuded from my body through the pores of my skin and evaporated into thin air. I felt light and free and simultaneously the urge to scream with all my might.
I haven't felt this way since the Motley Crue concert 6 months ago.
I don't think last night has changed my opinion of clubs, but I can see now why people go there so much. I think its good to let go all that pent up negative emotions once in a while and dancing at clubs may be a good outlet for that, especially techno/trance/electronic music...
...or maybe they're just there to get laid.
Sunday, 1 September 2013
I can't believe it's already been a year.
Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I feel like the luckiest guy alive to have you in my life.
You give me a sense of purpose, something to fight for and protect.
You give me support and comfort when I need it most.
But most of all, you give me happiness everyday.
这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着我们心头的白鸽
我想我很快乐
当有你的温热
脚边的空气转了
没有一点点防备
也没有以顾虑
你就这样出现在我的世界
带给我惊喜
情不自禁
世界之大为何我们相遇
难道是缘分难道是天意
你存在
我深深的脑海里
我的梦里
我的心里
我的歌声里
我的生活里
你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒
我会给你怀抱
就算整个世界被寂寞绑票
我也不会奔跑
我会给你怀抱
一年快乐宝贝儿！
一年快乐宝贝儿！
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