Clutch time

I've been in a bit of a slump the last few weeks. Not sleeping when I should be, not eating when i should be, and most importantly, not studying when i should be. I stand on the verge of unraveling everything I've worked so hard for in the past year and a half.

The next 3 weeks will be the most critical period of this semester. I have 120% worth of assignments that need to be done. I need to pull myself together, and push through this period. Otherwise, $25 000 and a year of my life could just be washed away down the drain. This is the time when I need to focus on what needs to be done. No more wasting time on Starcraft and TV shows and pointless things. I won't settle for anything short of H1 for all my subjects. It's time to get my shit together. These are the final mintues in a basketball game and the star player needs to find it in himself to do what needs to be done and deliver the necessary results. It's clutch time.

Tonight turned out to be an unexpectedly good night

Met some really cool people tonight from Mexico and Ecuador who were genuinely interested in Chinese culture. I really love international students, they're so much friendlier and less pompous than natives I think.

Apparently Stella Artois, Heineken, and Steinlager in Belgium are the equivalent of Double Brown and Lion Red in New Zealand, just cheap beer to get drunk on. I have to go to Europe now.

Watched Trance which turned out to be a really good movie. Kind of like Inception - really intense stuff that fucks with your mind, but it was a little too graphic for my taste. Good movie nonetheless, highly recommended if you're into psychological thrillers!

First time going to a open roof top bar/club. Really nice venue, the view was amazing from up there:

Only downside was that I had to climb 7 stories of stairs to get there. That shits not fun for a smoker carrying a heavy laptop!

Yea so overall turned out to be an unexpectedly good night. First time going to a proper bar/club type venue in Melbourne. Didn't get much study done though...

lol so i just got rejected for another job application

Guess I'll add it to my long list of Girls Jobs I couldn't get.
Even though its happened before numerous times; even though I know I'll eventually find one; I still feel can't help but like shit at the moment.

Owell. Failure breeds desire, and desire breeds success right? Or failure breeds depression, and depression...well..leads to suicide =/

Lol jks, I would never take the easy way out. My friend told me that last Saturday some Indian guy from her apartment jumped off the building and committed suicide. Unless you've been sentenced to solitary confinement for the rest of your life or is about to die a slow and agonizing death, I can't fathom why someone would voluntarily end their own life. In the end, no matter how shit things get, you still have yourself. You still have food to enjoy. You still have sleep to enjoy. You still have porn to enjoy. You still have freedom to enjoy. You still have fresh air and blue skies and pretty flowers to enjoy. If a guy can endure 25 years of solitary confinement and maintain the will to live, I think we can too.

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22

Lol okay that's a lie. I don't FEEL 22, even though according to basic arithmetic I am. Age is such a socially constructed notion. It's just a number. I'm not actually old. Right? RIGHT?!

But seriously, I can't believe I'm 22 already. As a kid, I always thought 22 was such a large age, and that people who are 22 must be fully fledged and mature adults. But I still feel like a kid. I still act like a kid. When I look into the mirror, I still SEE a kid. I haven't accomplished anything in my life yet. I still sleep late and sleep in. I still play games and neglect study. I still pig out on junk food and don't eat my fruits. I still don't have a job and rely on my parents for money. I'm not even fully independent yet, let alone able to support my family. NOTHING about me is 22!

To be honest though, it kind of feels like its been much longer than 365 days since I turned 21. Has it only been 8760 hours since we all ate buffet at that place Nick claimed to be so good but actually turned out to be kinda average? Was it only 525 600 minutes ago that we drank beer and sang karaoke to our hearts content? Has only 31 536 000 seconds passed since a lonely, immature boy dreaming of finding love and moving to Australia officially became a man?

My 21st year has been pretty good to me I have to say. It definitely has been a year of many new experiences. There was a lot of hardship, but in the end it was all worth it. But this post isn't about my 21st year. That's in the past now. History. Chronicled in the annals of my blog posts.

This is about my 22nd year.

This year is definitely going to be even tougher than the last. I'm hoping that I'll find the courage and strength within me to push through so that it'll also become an even better year than the last. By the time I'm 23, I hope to be have a Master's degree with H1, have a full time job working in environmental engineering/consultancy, and have an even stronger and better relationship than I have now. These are my goals for this year. These are the things I want. All I have to do now is put in the effort to get them. FIGHT ON!

To end this post, here's a video. I was originally going to post Taylor Swift's 22. But then I heard this song. It's now officially my new favourite song. I'd like to dedicate this song to my special girl. Baby, you're my source of strength when I'm feeling weak. Because of you I can push on through the pain. You're the reason I can live each day with a smile. You're my hideaway.

My first time ever pulling an all nighter. Its amazing how quickly time flies by during the night actually. Im looking at the people who get up early at 6am to do pilates or go to work, and im thinking, how the fuck do they do this everyday?! I felt like a zombie.

On the bright side, only 70 days to go before i get to see my baby! I hope I can just get through the next month in one piece...

man, i want a cat.
if i get my own place next year, im definitely getting a cat.
preferably one that doesn't shed alot of hairs though.

Happy 7 months babyy!!~~

Its been exactly 9 months since we've met, and 7 months since we've been together. Sometimes i marvel at how quickly time flies, yet sometimes i think: "has it only been that long?" It seems like she's been by my side for as long as I could remember.

So I watched Lust Caution today, cause I wanted to watch a movie and that was what popped into my mind. It really made me think about what were the things that are most important to me. Love or glory?

In the movie, the character portrayed by Leehom chooses to dedicate his life to the Chinese war effort against Japan by becoming an undercover agent and in the process sacrifices a ordinary but happy life with the main female lead. In the end, him, her, and his whole team gets caught and executed and all was for naught, and the romantic within me thinks: "If i were him, I'd just stay in university, get a normal job, and lead a happy life with the pretty girl." But then I thought, how would I be able to live a normal life knowing that millions of my compatriots are being murdered and my country is being invaded? What about my sense of duty, honour, and compassion? Surely Im no coward.

Even though this was a purely hypothetical situation, i felt really conflicted. If i were really in his shoes, what would I do? I suppose there's really no right answer. I mean look at us now, living a life of over-consumption while war rages in Syria, Iraq, and parts of Africa and millions of people are suffering. Yet we live in our sheltered little lives, oblivious to all the misery, cruelty, and inhumanity that is taking place across the world. So really, is it any different now than it was 70 years ago? The scale of the conflict may be smaller, the countries involved may be different, but still, im choosing to live a safe, predictable, ordinary life rather than go out and change the world. Maybe ill still be able to do something to help the environment, but even that passion is dying now in my thirst for money, because that's what i seem to measure success with these days.

But then, every relationship is built on the foundations of financial security. Every girl wants to find a man that they are proud of. A man that is successful, a man that is mature, a man with drive and purpose and responsibility. To do this, we often have to work long hours or move to different cities in search of better education and job opportunities, thus sacrificing love. It's like a paradox.

I mean, we're only apart for a year now, but what happens if I find a job in Perth next year? Or worse, in the middle of nowhere? How long can we keep this long distance up just so I can become a 'successful' person? Where do we draw the line? When does it end?

I guess in the end, its all a matter of balance and knowing what's important to you. Its not unheard of for people to lose their relationships in the pursuit of success. Maybe they're okay with that, because money is more important to them, or because they can find someone else. But maybe they'll regret it. I am an emotive person, and im also a romantic. As much as I want to make my parents proud, my emotional wellbeing is more important to me. I don't want to lose what i have now, i think she's a very special girl. So i guess what im trying to say is, she is more important to me than being successful or having money. So no matter what, I want to be living in the same city as her when we both graduate.

Love or glory? I choose happiness.