Tuesday, 24 December 2013
All I want for Christmas
Is for my Grandma to get better. If there is a God out there, I pray to you, I beg you, please make her better again.
Sunday, 22 December 2013
Life Update
It's been a long time since my last life update, or even blog post for that matter. I've felt the urge to write many times, but somehow never managed to put fingers to keyboard (modern version of pen to paper). I guess I just don't know what to write, or how to articulate my feelings anymore. All I know how to write these days it seems is emails.
I'm going to start off my life update by telling you about the news that finally got me to write this post. I just got off the phone with my dad, and he has informed me that my grandmother's condition has visibly deteriorated. Its been exactly 3 years since she was diagnosed with lung cancer, and for a while, we all thought she was going to beat it. Usually if the person is still present after 2 years, its a very good sign. But I guess the sickness and the treatment combined just took too much of a toll on her body, and now her health is deteriorating fast and things are looking bleak. She has already moved back to XiAn with my grandad and uncle, as it is their wish for this city to be their final resting place.
I hope that there is still hope. When she was first diagnosed, the doctor gave her 6 months, and now its been 3 years. Who's to say she can't beat the odds again? I really hope that some miracle can happen and she would be alright again, and go on to live at least another 10, 20 years. I mean she's only 72, she still has many years ahead of her. She still has to see me get my first proper job and tell me how proud of me she is. She still has to see me get married and give us her blessings. She still has to hold her first great grandchild and giver him/her a name. I still want to be able to play cards with her. I still want to be able to eat her cooking. I still want to be able to watch TV with her or just take a stroll outside.
I know I am fortunate to still have all of my grandparents present at my age, compared to people around me. I've also never lost someone close to me. Sometimes, I would actually wonder what it would feel like to lose someone close. Well, fuck that. I don't think I ever want to experience it, even though I know that as I grow older it becomes an inevitable part of life. Whether it be death or heartbreak, I know that somewhere down the road, I'm going to go through the emotional turmoil of losing a part of me. I don't really think about it, but in the back of my head, I know its a fact of life, just like how one day I'm going to die too. The thought of me dying on a hospital bed surrounded by my family when im old and grey doesn't particularly scare me. What scares me is dying in a tragic or horrible accident, especially a plane crash. Knowing you're about to die a horrible and painful death as you plummet 10 thousand meters into the ocean/land fucking terrifies me. This is why I have a fear of flying.
I wonder if it gets easier, you know, accepting loss. Perhaps as I grow older, and I experience all these things, perhaps more than once, it will become easier as I fully understand (not just know rationally) that it is a part of life, and that we just gotta take the bitter with the sweet. I wonder.
Anyways, enough about death, this is a LIFE update! So in terms of other things that are going on in my life, well, it's been 10 months since I arrived in Melbourne. In this short (long?) period, I feel I have really grown fond of this city, from the people to the architecture to the food to the trams. The only thing I still can't get used to is the fickleness of the weather. It literally can be 4 seasons in one day, or at least in one week. But other than that, I love Melbourne, and I think I will be staying here for a while longer. My contract at the EPA has been extended on a month to month basis, so I will be here at least for another few months. With the added experience and money, I also have a greater chance of finding a more permanent job in Melbourne, although I'm still open to the idea of living in other big cities.
In terms of my job, I am working 3 paid days a week, and on the other 2 days I often come into the office anyways to learn more stuff. I quite enjoy what I do, and the work environment is generally very friendly and relaxed. I wouldn't quite say this is my ideal job, especially given the area of work that I'm paid to do, but it's pretty close to it. I find the work very challenging, as it is mostly project management, but at the same time its allowing me to develop a set of new skills.
In other news, I have finally graduated! I don't really want to drown you with my sentiments here, but it has been a really tough year, in particular this last semester. Towards exam/assignment hand in period, I was working 3 days a week and still having to deal with 4 subjects. On top of that, I came down with a really nasty flu with 1 big assignment to go. It was the first time I truly felt the pain of living away from my family. I had to look after myself, cook for myself, and still do my assignment, while having a fever, body aches, cough, and bleeding nose. And I had to go to a job interview.
Needless to say, it was probably one of the toughest periods in my life. I felt like giving up many times, but somehow I managed to pull through, like I always do. But my grades did take a hit this semester, and I ended up averaging 87 across the whole year (first semester was borderline 90). I still got First Class Honours in the end, and this year has turned out to be my best academic performance so far. I feel like I have finally proved to myself, and my parents, what my true potential is. Im glad that after a disastrous Bachelor's degree, I have been able to turn things around and finish everything on a high note. It just goes to show, it's never too late to turn your life around.
Of course, I still have a long way to go. This is only the end of the beginning, for I still have to work hard for another 10, 20 years to reach anywhere respectable in my career. However at this moment, I am just content to bathe in the feeling of having no assignments to do. If you haven't already stopped reading or fallen asleep, here are some graduation photos to break up the monotony of my words:
Wow this has been a long post. To conclude this life update (and to make the post even longer), here are some photos of Melbourne:
I'm going to start off my life update by telling you about the news that finally got me to write this post. I just got off the phone with my dad, and he has informed me that my grandmother's condition has visibly deteriorated. Its been exactly 3 years since she was diagnosed with lung cancer, and for a while, we all thought she was going to beat it. Usually if the person is still present after 2 years, its a very good sign. But I guess the sickness and the treatment combined just took too much of a toll on her body, and now her health is deteriorating fast and things are looking bleak. She has already moved back to XiAn with my grandad and uncle, as it is their wish for this city to be their final resting place.
I hope that there is still hope. When she was first diagnosed, the doctor gave her 6 months, and now its been 3 years. Who's to say she can't beat the odds again? I really hope that some miracle can happen and she would be alright again, and go on to live at least another 10, 20 years. I mean she's only 72, she still has many years ahead of her. She still has to see me get my first proper job and tell me how proud of me she is. She still has to see me get married and give us her blessings. She still has to hold her first great grandchild and giver him/her a name. I still want to be able to play cards with her. I still want to be able to eat her cooking. I still want to be able to watch TV with her or just take a stroll outside.
I know I am fortunate to still have all of my grandparents present at my age, compared to people around me. I've also never lost someone close to me. Sometimes, I would actually wonder what it would feel like to lose someone close. Well, fuck that. I don't think I ever want to experience it, even though I know that as I grow older it becomes an inevitable part of life. Whether it be death or heartbreak, I know that somewhere down the road, I'm going to go through the emotional turmoil of losing a part of me. I don't really think about it, but in the back of my head, I know its a fact of life, just like how one day I'm going to die too. The thought of me dying on a hospital bed surrounded by my family when im old and grey doesn't particularly scare me. What scares me is dying in a tragic or horrible accident, especially a plane crash. Knowing you're about to die a horrible and painful death as you plummet 10 thousand meters into the ocean/land fucking terrifies me. This is why I have a fear of flying.
I wonder if it gets easier, you know, accepting loss. Perhaps as I grow older, and I experience all these things, perhaps more than once, it will become easier as I fully understand (not just know rationally) that it is a part of life, and that we just gotta take the bitter with the sweet. I wonder.
Anyways, enough about death, this is a LIFE update! So in terms of other things that are going on in my life, well, it's been 10 months since I arrived in Melbourne. In this short (long?) period, I feel I have really grown fond of this city, from the people to the architecture to the food to the trams. The only thing I still can't get used to is the fickleness of the weather. It literally can be 4 seasons in one day, or at least in one week. But other than that, I love Melbourne, and I think I will be staying here for a while longer. My contract at the EPA has been extended on a month to month basis, so I will be here at least for another few months. With the added experience and money, I also have a greater chance of finding a more permanent job in Melbourne, although I'm still open to the idea of living in other big cities.
In terms of my job, I am working 3 paid days a week, and on the other 2 days I often come into the office anyways to learn more stuff. I quite enjoy what I do, and the work environment is generally very friendly and relaxed. I wouldn't quite say this is my ideal job, especially given the area of work that I'm paid to do, but it's pretty close to it. I find the work very challenging, as it is mostly project management, but at the same time its allowing me to develop a set of new skills.
In other news, I have finally graduated! I don't really want to drown you with my sentiments here, but it has been a really tough year, in particular this last semester. Towards exam/assignment hand in period, I was working 3 days a week and still having to deal with 4 subjects. On top of that, I came down with a really nasty flu with 1 big assignment to go. It was the first time I truly felt the pain of living away from my family. I had to look after myself, cook for myself, and still do my assignment, while having a fever, body aches, cough, and bleeding nose. And I had to go to a job interview.
Needless to say, it was probably one of the toughest periods in my life. I felt like giving up many times, but somehow I managed to pull through, like I always do. But my grades did take a hit this semester, and I ended up averaging 87 across the whole year (first semester was borderline 90). I still got First Class Honours in the end, and this year has turned out to be my best academic performance so far. I feel like I have finally proved to myself, and my parents, what my true potential is. Im glad that after a disastrous Bachelor's degree, I have been able to turn things around and finish everything on a high note. It just goes to show, it's never too late to turn your life around.
Of course, I still have a long way to go. This is only the end of the beginning, for I still have to work hard for another 10, 20 years to reach anywhere respectable in my career. However at this moment, I am just content to bathe in the feeling of having no assignments to do. If you haven't already stopped reading or fallen asleep, here are some graduation photos to break up the monotony of my words:
On another note, as you know, the real reason I came to Melbourne is to discover and pursue my culinary career. I have had some requests (from Simon) to post up photos of my masterpieces, so without further a due:
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| Marinated steak with risone pasta |
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| Marinated steak with spring rolls and steamed veges |
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| Tomato vege noodle soup with cajun chicken thigh fillets |
I have also made a lot of chinese food, but I never seem to remember to take pictures of them :/
The last piece of news is that my girlfriend came to Melbourne for a week at the end of November on her way back to China. It had been 4 months since we last saw each other, and it most likely won't be till Easter 2014 that we'll see each other again. I was the happiest I had been in a while (4 months) when she was here, and like all good things, the week went by in a flash. The fact that I had to work 3 of those days didn't help either. But it was a good week nonetheless. I guess that's the best part about long distance - that period when you see each other again. It's like the best time of your life. However, that's only 5% of the time; the other 95% is just hell, which is why LDR is still fucking shit. Sometimes the pain becomes almost unbearable, but I guess there's really nothing you can do about it, so you just deal with it (which usually means distracting yourself from it). In a way, i guess i'm almost used to it (if one can ever be). I mean, in the 16 months that we've been together, 12 of those was spent apart. It's like being single most of the time but having a girlfriend occasionally from time to time. It's clearly not an ideal situation, but I know how I feel about her and I think in the long term, it will be worth it. Just over one year to go till she graduates...Anyways, here are a few snaps we took in Geelong to keep you entertained:
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| From the top floor of the state library |
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| An empty tram! |
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| From the window of a corporate office |
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| Melbourne on a dark moody day |
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| A shot of the same day from other side |
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| Panoramic view |
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| Yellow, green, and red leaves in my backyard framed by a beautiful blue sky |
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| Another empty tram! I love it when its just me on the tram |
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| Euro Beer Cafe half price Mondays! So massive and so delicious... |
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| Drinking european beer with my european friends ;) |
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| Me under a boabab tree! |
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| Our office when its empty! |
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| Office shenanigans with my fellow interns :) |
Tuesday, 19 November 2013
My last Masterpiece
I've had my ups and downs,
My fair share of bumpy roads and heavy winds.
That's what made me what I am today.
Now I stand before you.
What you see is an intellect crafted to perfection.
A pair of lobes engineered to defy the laws of academics,
And a mindset to master the most epic of essays.
Last assignment ever, come at me bro.
My fair share of bumpy roads and heavy winds.
That's what made me what I am today.
Now I stand before you.
What you see is an intellect crafted to perfection.
A pair of lobes engineered to defy the laws of academics,
And a mindset to master the most epic of essays.
Last assignment ever, come at me bro.
Sunday, 10 November 2013
Friday, 1 November 2013
I've got to write 5000 words in the next 5 days
Shits hit the fan and im pretty screwed, but listening to this song makes me feel alright.
Saturday, 19 October 2013
非诚勿扰
我一直是一个浪漫主义者。我一直向往找到属于自己的一片爱情和幸福，这就是我对生活最大的追求之一。所以非诚勿扰是我以来一直非常喜欢的一个节目。虽然我觉得爱情和感情是通过时间来培养的，但是第一眼的感觉也很重要。所以虽然在一个节目里十几分钟不可能就知道你愿不愿意和一个人恋爱，可是这是个创造机会，并且带有浪漫的一个好平台。
这两天我又开始使劲的看非诚勿扰。也许是因为学习和工作的压力的原因，也许是因为我想念我自己心里的那位女神。我为了追求属于我自己的爱情已经奋斗了好多年了。经过了很多的挫折和失败之后，一年前，我终于找到了属于我的感情。我以为我可以终于开始享受二人世界，过着幸福的生活。
可是生活的幽默感是多么的残忍。在我们交往了14个月里，只有四个月是真正的在一起。幸福的时间永远是那么短暂，那么的bittersweet，那么的可望而不可即。当然这也让我们在一起的时间更加的珍贵和特殊，可是我真正想要的是两个人一起过日子的感受。
所以每当看到男嘉宾牵到了心仪的女嘉宾，都感觉非常的羡慕。尤其是我比较喜欢或者欣赏的女嘉宾，都会感到感动和一点难过哈哈。今天之前在看这个月播出的节目时，发现我一直欣赏的14号吴子恩不在了，就想她是否被牵走了。youtube搜了之后，找到了那集。原来他被我们西安的一个很真诚的帅小伙给牵走了。吴子恩经常被选为心动女生，可是男嘉宾们从未有坚持过他们的决定。这个西安小伙是第一个选她为心动女生，而并且也坚持他的选择，尽管吴子恩已灭了灯。他这样表现他的感情和诚意，深深地打动了吴子恩，所以决定跟他走。当时的画面很浪漫，很感人，给我留下了深刻的印象。
我真正想说的就是，我的坚持让我得到了在我心中是女神的女孩，可是我却未能享受我所渴望的幸福。 我对这一点抱怨了生命，也抱怨了我自己，为何做出了出国的决定？可是，我至今还是觉得这是对的决定，因为我要成为一个优秀的男人，这样才能将来给她创造更好的条件。我希望我做出的决定经过时间的考验，仍然会是对的。我希望后年等她硕士毕业了，我们的二人生活就可以终于开始了。虽然还要坚持一年多的异地恋，可是我觉得只要将来能在一起，还是值得的。我希望现在我们的等待，牺牲，和痛苦，都是值得的。我觉得难以得来的东西，才让人们懂得去珍惜；品尝了痛苦的滋味，才懂得什么叫幸福。我相信，只要有付出，就有应当的回报。
这两天我又开始使劲的看非诚勿扰。也许是因为学习和工作的压力的原因，也许是因为我想念我自己心里的那位女神。我为了追求属于我自己的爱情已经奋斗了好多年了。经过了很多的挫折和失败之后，一年前，我终于找到了属于我的感情。我以为我可以终于开始享受二人世界，过着幸福的生活。
可是生活的幽默感是多么的残忍。在我们交往了14个月里，只有四个月是真正的在一起。幸福的时间永远是那么短暂，那么的bittersweet，那么的可望而不可即。当然这也让我们在一起的时间更加的珍贵和特殊，可是我真正想要的是两个人一起过日子的感受。
所以每当看到男嘉宾牵到了心仪的女嘉宾，都感觉非常的羡慕。尤其是我比较喜欢或者欣赏的女嘉宾，都会感到感动和一点难过哈哈。今天之前在看这个月播出的节目时，发现我一直欣赏的14号吴子恩不在了，就想她是否被牵走了。youtube搜了之后，找到了那集。原来他被我们西安的一个很真诚的帅小伙给牵走了。吴子恩经常被选为心动女生，可是男嘉宾们从未有坚持过他们的决定。这个西安小伙是第一个选她为心动女生，而并且也坚持他的选择，尽管吴子恩已灭了灯。他这样表现他的感情和诚意，深深地打动了吴子恩，所以决定跟他走。当时的画面很浪漫，很感人，给我留下了深刻的印象。
我真正想说的就是，我的坚持让我得到了在我心中是女神的女孩，可是我却未能享受我所渴望的幸福。 我对这一点抱怨了生命，也抱怨了我自己，为何做出了出国的决定？可是，我至今还是觉得这是对的决定，因为我要成为一个优秀的男人，这样才能将来给她创造更好的条件。我希望我做出的决定经过时间的考验，仍然会是对的。我希望后年等她硕士毕业了，我们的二人生活就可以终于开始了。虽然还要坚持一年多的异地恋，可是我觉得只要将来能在一起，还是值得的。我希望现在我们的等待，牺牲，和痛苦，都是值得的。我觉得难以得来的东西，才让人们懂得去珍惜；品尝了痛苦的滋味，才懂得什么叫幸福。我相信，只要有付出，就有应当的回报。
Update on Melbourne
So I got my first paycheck yesterday. It's not much but it felt pretty good to finally be earning money. I've dreamed of this day for quite a while now and for me personally, its a big achievement. I know many people have been earning money since they were 15, but all the money I've ever received were either from working for my parents or student allowance from studylink. This is the first time I've received money from an outside source for my hard work, and it truly feels rewarding.
However working at least 20hrs a week and studying full time is really taking its toll on me. I'm stressed as hell but often I just don't have the energy or capacity to do anymore learning after a days work. I felt literally brain dead on Wednesday after 6 hrs of work and 3 hrs of class, all on 6 hrs sleep the previous night. Life is really hard at the moment and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get through the next 3 weeks.
Also lately I've been feeling really lonely. I constantly crave attention or companionship, but I just don't really have people that I can just text and hang out with like I have in Auckland. I only have 2 close friends here which I can hang out on a constant basis, but its not like I can see them all the time, so I'm still by myself most of the time.
I think the long distance is really getting to me as well. I feel like I'm close to reaching the breaking point where I can't handle being away from her any longer. Especially in stressful times like this, not having her by my side to support and care for me makes things even harder.
I'm coming to realise more and more lately that I am a person that enjoys social interaction. I used to think that I was slightly introverted, but now I feel like I thrive off of companionship and socialising with people, and find it hard to be alone. This may have something do to with the fact that usually alone time means study time, and thus I associate negative emotions with being by myself. I don't know. What I do know is that I'm stressed and I'm lonely and I don't know how much more of this I can take.
But this is such a critical period and so much pressure and hope and dreams is dependent on the next 3 weeks, I really can't afford to fuck this up. My history has shown that I was never a particularly strong or disciplined person, but I guess now is as good a time as any to prove that wrong once and for all. Just one more month and then it's all over. It's time to show my true fighting spirit!
However working at least 20hrs a week and studying full time is really taking its toll on me. I'm stressed as hell but often I just don't have the energy or capacity to do anymore learning after a days work. I felt literally brain dead on Wednesday after 6 hrs of work and 3 hrs of class, all on 6 hrs sleep the previous night. Life is really hard at the moment and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get through the next 3 weeks.
Also lately I've been feeling really lonely. I constantly crave attention or companionship, but I just don't really have people that I can just text and hang out with like I have in Auckland. I only have 2 close friends here which I can hang out on a constant basis, but its not like I can see them all the time, so I'm still by myself most of the time.
I think the long distance is really getting to me as well. I feel like I'm close to reaching the breaking point where I can't handle being away from her any longer. Especially in stressful times like this, not having her by my side to support and care for me makes things even harder.
I'm coming to realise more and more lately that I am a person that enjoys social interaction. I used to think that I was slightly introverted, but now I feel like I thrive off of companionship and socialising with people, and find it hard to be alone. This may have something do to with the fact that usually alone time means study time, and thus I associate negative emotions with being by myself. I don't know. What I do know is that I'm stressed and I'm lonely and I don't know how much more of this I can take.
But this is such a critical period and so much pressure and hope and dreams is dependent on the next 3 weeks, I really can't afford to fuck this up. My history has shown that I was never a particularly strong or disciplined person, but I guess now is as good a time as any to prove that wrong once and for all. Just one more month and then it's all over. It's time to show my true fighting spirit!
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