Dear students graduating today

I sincerely congratulate you on meeting the necessary requirements for the completion of your degree. Today, you will laugh and smile and chat away happily as you celebrate and take photos with your family and friends, creating memories that will be cherished for the rest of your life. But as the laughter dies down and the sun is replaced by the moon, a question will begin to gnaw at you from the back of your mind: "so what now?"

Well, let me tell you what now. Its all gonna be downhill where everyone falls to their demise with no money and no job because uni is one big fucking lie. For some of you, you will go on to accomplish great things. You will start off with a job that pays well, has easy hours, is in the field which you studied, and which interests you. And if you work hard, you will climb up the corporate ladder.

But for most of you graduates, please don't be foolish enough to think its all going to be uphill from now. Most of you are not going to end up in a job that you imagined yourself to be in when you graduate. Its not going to pay particularly well, its not going to be easy, and most particularly, it probably wont have a rat's ass to do with what you studied. Those that work hard may get somewhere yet, but the majority will either be stuck in the same shitty job for the rest of their lives, or drift from job to job.

Even if you are graduating with a PhD, it probably won't mean shit. Because the higher your degree is, the higher your expectations will be, and thus the more likely you will be disappointed. This is the painful truth. This is the cruel nature of reality. In today's world, there are simply too many graduates, and too little good jobs. Someone has to clean the shit out of the toilet. Someone has to sweep the streets. Someone has to grow the food that we eat. You may think those jobs are unfit for a university graduate, and I dont blame you for thinking that, but get ready to be unemployed for a lonnnngggggg fucking time.

To the white girl with the nice smile taking a photo outside engineering holding two degrees, you look like you will go places.

To the leggy blonde with the hot boyfriend, you'll most likely end up working at calendar girls hold on to your man, his suit looks pretty expensive.

Now, don't take this personally. This has more to do with my discontent of the education system, and more than anything, of myself, than anything to do with you. I've learnt the hard way that, university is only worth the investment of money and time if youre going to study properly. If you don't then you really shouldn't be at uni. Go learn a trade, go volunteer for the peacecorp, go work your way around the world, do something useful with your life.

Everyday, i desperately wish i could go back 4 years in time, to when i first started university. If i could, i would do things differently. I guess this is something i only realised at the beginning of this year. That's why ive been studying so hard. But im scared that its already too late. In this world, sometimes you only have one shot at things. If you fuck up, then you'll have to live with your mistake for the rest of your life.

My poor monies...

Easy come, easy go, thats just how my money lives

Oh, spend, spend, spend it all but I never save...

A poem I wrote for Chinese Valentines, enjoy =]

This is a poem I write for you

Every word, every pause, speaks the truth

It matters not if my words you do not comprehend

These mortal boundaries my feelings will transcend

For emotions can be understood in any language

A type of prose only the heart can manage

You are the blue sky after a night of rain

Bright, boundless, and more beautiful than words can explain

I am the clouds that bathe in your beauty

In your presence I float euphoric and carefree

Your gentle smile wipes away all my problems

And in its place happiness blossoms

Your tender voice melts away my strongest defences

Leaving my heart absolutely defenceless

Your innocent eyes see through all my pretensions

You see the real me, with pure apprehension.

This is a poem I write for you

There’s so much more for you I’d do

It matters not if my gestures you do not understand

I do not need a reason to want to hold your hand

Everything I’ve written is from the heart

From within me these feelings I impart

The person that i need

 "There's a pain that sleeps inside
It sleeps with just one eye
And awakens the moment that you leave
Though I try to look away
The pain it still remains
Only leaving when you're next to me

Do you know, that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away
So can you come and make them disappear
Make them disappear and we can stay"

So the other day, i missed out on a really good job opportunity

I had applied for a summer studentship and they emailed me back for an interview. But i did not see the email in time because i went to Great Barrier for a week, and now its too late.

Even though there was no guarantee that i would get the job, I felt really disappointed. I guess im upset about the wasted opportunity, and angry at myself. Now once again, i feel the wave of past regrets surging up to drown me. I find myself getting lost in a sea of what-ifs and what-could've-beens, slowly sinking into the darkness of its bottomless depth. (Lol, why am i even using an extended metaphor about water? The studentship was about fucking soils!) Such doubts and regrets are just the lastest in my growing disillusionment and resentment of tertiary education institutions. IT'S ALL FUCKING LIES!!!

Anyways, its really easy to lose myself in such insecurities, i guess its something that plagues everyone to some extent. I need to stop worrying about the future or tormenting myself over the past, and just focus on the present. If i work hard enough, if i try enough times, if i am truly worthy, i believe i will find the right girl job one day.

画上句号

昨晚，我没有睡好，因为我太兴奋了。

我终于可以把我的过去画上一个句号；把我以前的经历告一个段落。

我的生活从今天开始翻了新的一页，进入了下一个阶段。

我很兴奋，并且也很害怕。未来的路还很艰难，很漫长。

可是我有了新的勇气，有了新的希望，可以大胆地去面对无可避免的困难和考验。
我要努力。我要奋斗。我要成功。

未来，你来吧！

this day has finally arrived

the day of her coming

the day of my salvation

the day darkness will be driven from my world

and my desolate cheeks will once more feel the kiss of sunlight

the day the barren cold will be banished from my life

and even the ice within the recesses of my heart will begin to thaw

the day bare branches will sprout life anew

and from the pallid pupae will emerge something beautiful

the day solitary stems will bear fresh bulbs

and from these bulbs the promise of love will blossom

it has been a long time coming, but she is finally here

yes, spring has arrived.