im okay with being by myself

even though most of the time i despise rainy days, they do have a certain charm to them. it makes the world seem poignant, sentimental, grim. its as if the world is saying: "life is hard, but that's okay." when i take the bus home on a rainy night, it gives me that you-against-the-world feeling, a lone soul standing tall against the turmoils and hardships of reality with grim determination. lol, that's how i feel on a rainy day anyways.

I've given this some thought, and i think i don't actually mind dying alone. not many people on this world are fortunate enough to die surrounded by their loved ones, so its really no big deal. i mean, you're going to be dead anyways, so you can't even feel sadness or regret.

people want to better themselves for different reasons. some want to better themselves for someone else, but i don't need a girl to make me want to change myself. i just want to better myself, for myself. Ive accepted the fact that i can't be good at everything in life. i will be good at a few things, and really shit at many others, and that's okay with me. i think its wiser for me to concentrate my time on improving the things that im already good at, the things that are important to me, and just give up on some other pursuits.

i often think back to the things that used to worry me and agitate me in my high school days, and they really seem petty now that im older. i guess i will look back one day on my days at uni, and the things that seem to bother me now will seem trivial. Ive been trying so hard to fight change, and being scared of it, when what i really need to do is understand it is a natural part of life. i acknowledge that some of these changes have been a result of my own foolish actions, but some things are just beyond my control. we all have our own lives, and people do drift apart. sometimes due to the different paths that we choose, and sometimes due to irreconcilable differences.

whatever life throws at me, i will take it all in stride. i may choose to fight it, but there really is no point being upset about it. because in the end, its just life.