lol, 2000 word assignments seem like nothing these days

im feeling a little down today. maybe its because i fucked up in bball trials today and might not make the team. or maybe its cause im running out of time to finish my assignments and study for my exams. i dont know.

but whatever. cause hey life aint fair, 3 in the if you just dont care. just gotta pick myself back up and keep on trucking.

zzz i have ZERO self control...

I am so weak minded! I used to watch movies and see some 'good' guys succumb to evil and get their minds corrupted because they were weak-minded souls and only the strong will and pure heart of the main protagonist managed to overcome the corruption and id think that if i was one of the characters in the movies, i'd never get corrupted cause i was so strong. well its all bullshit. i'd probably be one of the first insignificant characters to become a pawn of evil. cause i simply have ZERO self control. even now, as i type this post, i am procrastinating so i wouldn't have to study. asdkghhaslkejgfsd what the fuck is wrong with me. the next 3 weeks will be one of the most critical moments of my life and if i do not prevail all my hard work this semester will go down the drain. i need to finish my assignments. i need to study for my exams. i need to succeed, so that i can make something of my damn pathetic existence and know that i did not live in vain.

sigh. fuck this, im gonna go study.

or am i.....

Community

Just finished the third season of community today. I love what the show has developed into. While it still has managed to retain its funny elements, community has gained so much depth and substance this season. I feel like i am good friends with every one of the characters. Their antics, their flaws, i find it all so endearing. I know its just a show, but the gestures of friendship, compassion, kindness, and forgiveness really warms the heart. The main cast really gives off a sense of unity, a sense of community, and you get the feeling that no matter what happens, they will be able to weather it because they have each other to lean on. Sure, each episode is pretty formulaic, but somehow it never gets old. Even though you know the problem will always be resolved at the end, you still feel a sense of relief when it does. And you will always be left smiling at the end of every episode. I think that's what having real friends is about. No matter what happens, at the end of the day, you'll be left smiling.

Interesting times ahead. EXCITE!!!

Write one paragrah, relax for a whole hour.

This should be a meme! People who do assignments will know what i mean.

At least it was here

Give me your hands
Show me the door
I cannot stand
To wait anymore
Somebody said
Be what you'll be
We could be old and cold and dead on the sea
But I love you more than the words can say
I can't count the reasons I should stay

Give me some rope
Tie me to dream
Give me the hope
To run out of steam
Somebody said
It can be here
We could be roped up, tied up
Dead in a year
I can't count the reasons I should stay
One by one they all just fade away

I'm tired of the wait and see's
I'm tired of that part of me
That makes up a perfect lie
To keep us between
But hours turn into days
So watch what you throw away
And be here to recognize
There's another way

Give me some rope
Tie me to dream
Give me the hope
To run out of steam
Somebody said
It could be here
We could be roped up, tied up
Dead in a year
Oh I love you more the words can say
I can't count the reasons I should stay
One by one they all just fade away
But I love you more than words can say

im okay with being by myself

even though most of the time i despise rainy days, they do have a certain charm to them. it makes the world seem poignant, sentimental, grim. its as if the world is saying: "life is hard, but that's okay." when i take the bus home on a rainy night, it gives me that you-against-the-world feeling, a lone soul standing tall against the turmoils and hardships of reality with grim determination. lol, that's how i feel on a rainy day anyways.

I've given this some thought, and i think i don't actually mind dying alone. not many people on this world are fortunate enough to die surrounded by their loved ones, so its really no big deal. i mean, you're going to be dead anyways, so you can't even feel sadness or regret.

people want to better themselves for different reasons. some want to better themselves for someone else, but i don't need a girl to make me want to change myself. i just want to better myself, for myself. Ive accepted the fact that i can't be good at everything in life. i will be good at a few things, and really shit at many others, and that's okay with me. i think its wiser for me to concentrate my time on improving the things that im already good at, the things that are important to me, and just give up on some other pursuits.

i often think back to the things that used to worry me and agitate me in my high school days, and they really seem petty now that im older. i guess i will look back one day on my days at uni, and the things that seem to bother me now will seem trivial. Ive been trying so hard to fight change, and being scared of it, when what i really need to do is understand it is a natural part of life. i acknowledge that some of these changes have been a result of my own foolish actions, but some things are just beyond my control. we all have our own lives, and people do drift apart. sometimes due to the different paths that we choose, and sometimes due to irreconcilable differences.

whatever life throws at me, i will take it all in stride. i may choose to fight it, but there really is no point being upset about it. because in the end, its just life.

That awesome moment when you actually understand what the lecture slides are saying

Addiction

everyone is addicted to something. some of us are addicted to television, others are addicted to food, or shopping, or facebook, or gossip, or games, or tetris. all of us are a slave to some form of addiction. i guess its a way to help us cope with the hardships of life.

recently ive given up my addiction for starcraft, and in the process, taken up another. but at least this new addiction is less time consuming. its not exactly better for me, but i prefer this over spending 3 hours of each day on some game that im never gonna be the best at.

and whats all the hype over diablo 3? it seems to be the new craze. first game ive seen wayne buy in ages. just posting a photo of your new diablo copy will score you dozens of likes on fb. i think im gonna stay away from it. i never liked RPGs that much anyways.

Basketball

i want to go to a NBA playoffs game, i really do. i want to lose myself in the sport i love most, borne on the current of the crowds emotions. getting high off clutch 3s and pivotal put-backs. the adrenaline of not knowing who is going to win until the very last second gushing through my veins. my emotions following every twist and turn of the scoreboard, climaxing at the final second as the winner is decided.

god i love hot chelle rae!

honestly, i just dont give a fuck anymore. whatever life throws at me i will just take it all in stride, and stomp its face on the curbside. i got no problem with saying goodbye, so im gonna study tonight.

i used to live by the principle of treat others the way you want to be treated, but apparently it doesnt work. ive given more than has been reciprocated, and its put me at an disadvantage. so from now on, i will treat others the way they treat me.

when it comes to a fight, its not about whos stronger, or whos crazier, its about who has better weapons, and how good you are at using it.

this world is a sick place, with sick rules. im not gonna be another pawn in this sick game.

i wrote this while waiting for the sun to go down. its really shit, but owell it was all that came to mind while sitting there by myself while the sun slowly made its way towards the horizon.

It feels just like in the movies. I'm sitting in the tall grass on a mountain slope watching the sunset in the distance. Below me lies the expanse of the sea, untamed and boundless. To my left, a herd of sheep quietly graze in the afternoon breeze, soaking up what little is left of the sunlight. A mosaic of clouds float listlessly, paying no heed to the demise of the sun. The sun slowly disappears behind an impenetrable wall of dark brooding clouds until only its golden silhouette can be seen. The landscape is cast into shadows. The gentle slope, the sheer rock cliffs, the tireless sea, all of it falls under the spell of darkness. A light turns on in the university laboratory below. If i could paint a picture with a thousand words, i would. But really there's no words adequate or sufficient to describe the beauty of this landscape or the majesty of the scenery before me. You'd really have to be here to experience the beauty of it all. How i wish you were here with me right now, sharing this moment. How many moments like this can we have in a lifetime? Not that many.

Hi im back!

Miss me? Yea, me too.

I'm going on a 3 day field trip tomorrow. Rather excited i have to say. It'll be a good chance to get away from Auckland for awhile, bond with my classmates, and reconnect with mother nature. I will also probably be without internet for a few days. HOW WILL I SURVIVE? Jokes. Should be fun, can't wait n_n

Lately, i've been rather content. I think i've rediscovered myself again, at least to an extent. Now that i've stopped wasting my time thinking about women, ive found myself reconnecting with many of my close male friends who i've become somewhat estranged from in the past few months. It's so much more fun hanging out with just guys. Don't get me wrong, female companionship has its perks too, but guys just make better friends.

These days, ive rekindled my passion in the things that matter to me most. My master's thesis, my body, and basketball. It's all ive been thinking about, and ive dedicated all my time to these things. And i have to say, it feels really good. While i cant say that i am happy, i have definitely found contentedness in these things. Focusing on these aspects of my life has given me new confidence in myself, and i've learnt to be an independent man. Time really flies when you're doing the things you love and not worrying about trivial things.

My dad has always been telling me that our generation is so fortunate. Ive never really understood, thinking that we have it hard. But talking to my international friend today, i think i can finally see things from his point of view. I really am quite lucky. I can come home to my family and a warm delicious meal already waiting for me on the dinner table, whereas she will go home to an empty house after a long day and still have to cook. I dont have to worry about not having enough money to spend, having to cook for myself, and the workload here is really minimal compared to what uni students have to deal with in China. I guess ive really taken these things for granted.

I have to say, i am really looking forward to the future. I look forward to my exams because i can finally show my true potential. And i look forward to being able to study in australia next year where i can finally realise my dream.

Anyways, i better go to sleep, i gots to wake up early tomorrow. Night~

the perfect complement of sweet and savoury
a delightful fusion of soft and crunchy
all amalgamating on the palate of my mouth
melting my taste buds with its heavenly touch
ahh, peanut butter filled chocolate.