In the face of gender issues, there is apparently no middle ground

So today I have learnt something new about myself: that I am apparently a sexist/misogynist. It seems that unlike in religion where you can choose to be atheist or agnostic, in the world of gender inequality, there is no middle ground; you are either a feminist, or a misogynist.
As someone who is well educated and possessing above average intelligence, I have always thought of myself as a freethinker; someone who possess the ability to think critically and appreciate the complexity of the world we live in and the multi-dimensional nature of everything. In other words, someone who can appreciate both sides of the story. In fact one of the most valuable things I've learnt from my years in post-graduate study is the ability to think critically.
I understand that cognitive bias exists in all of us, its impossible to eradicate. However I've always tried to minimise my cognitive bias by trying to think critically and put myself in the shoes of those on both sides of the story.
Up until today, I have never thought of myself as sexist and certainly not misogynist. I don't despise women, I am not prejudiced towards women, and I don't respect a person any less on the basis of their gender. In fact, I whole heartedly believe that there are deep rooted gender inequality issues in third world countries that need to be addressed in order for our modern society to move forward and become even more modern.
Yet it seems that to a self-righteous 'champions' of feminism who has seen themselves as fit to pass moral judgement on another persons orientation on gender issues, I am a misogynist.
So to that I say: okay I am a misogynist. I believe in women having the same civil and human rights as men. I believe in a fair and just social system where ones worth is weighed by merit and hardwork and not by gender or appearances. And above all, I respect women as much as I respect men.
But I am not a feminist. Therefore, I am a misogynist.

But, so is your boyfriend. And your ex-boyfriend. And so is your father, and your grandfather. Your neighbour is most likely a misogynist, your colleague, your boss, and your friends. They are most likely all misogynists. And some of them probably more so than I am.

If I am a misogynist, wait till you get to know the rest of the world.

And to the feminists out there, I ask you this: if you believe so strongly in abolishing all prejudice towards gender, then would you date a guy who wears more make up than you? Would you date a guy that is more sensitive that you? A guy that is skinny and possesses many 'feminine' qualities but non of the 'masculine' qualities that so many women desire? And how would you feel if your father suddenly started wearing mini-skirts and boob tubes or got breast implants? Would you not even bat an eyelid?

Let's face it: at the end of the day, you're a sexist too.

To be content is to live a life of mediocrity

I think one of my biggest flaws is that I become content with myself very easily. Being content means you are happy with the status quo. It means that you lose motivation and drive to further yourself and become someone better, and as a result you fail to reach higher places in your life.

You see, my problem isn't that I lack the intellectual capabilities to go further, or that I can't work hard when required. My problem is that whenever things start going my way, I take my foot off the accelerator. I stop working hard, I stop trying to find ways to get to a better place, I just do enough to get by and maintain the status quo, because my mind tells me: "hey Bobby, you're doing alright, you're doing better than a lot of people. Look at so and so. Don't be so hard on yourself, just chill out and enjoy life." As a result, people who continue to push themselves begin to surpass me.

Sometimes, I don't even do enough to maintain the status quo. That's when I start to fall behind the entire pack, finally culminating in the various major failures I've had in my last 23 years. 
THAT is when I finally snap out of it and my motivation returns (how convenient). I would then work hard and push myself and start climbing up the ladder again, only to get close to somewhere reputable before my brain starts telling me again: "hey Bobby...hey...", and the vicious cycle starts again.

I feel like that's what's happening to me right now. These days, I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job. My internal thought process: "I've got a steady job, I work pretty hard, sometimes 10 or 11 hrs a day, I've been getting good feedback from my manager; bottom line: I am doing alright!"

Then I think about what another Wang is doing with her life, and everything doesn't seem so rosy. We both started out in the same school. We both started out in topstream. We both did all four accelerated subjects. Yet look how our lives vastly differ now.

This is the culmination of two very different mindsets at work over 10 years; one that contents easily, and one that hungers to continuously reach higher and higher places. The difference may be small at first, but one hour of study at a time, one book at a time, one extracurricular lesson at a time, she pulls ahead. While for me, each video game, each YouTube video, each hour spent at IC0, I fall further behind. Thus small differences snowball over time and bam, 10 years later we are living very different lives. I am living the mediocre life of a white collar. She is travelling the world and on her way to becoming one of the world's future leaders.

Some people might look at us and say: "yes both of you may have appeared to have started at the same starting line, but there was always a difference in capabilities and intelligence." Sure, that may be true to a certain extent, but would the gap have been as big had I had the same mindset and worked just as hard (although I have to point out that she also made a lot of sacrifices over the years which I failed to do)?

In the famous words of the Nutri-Grain ad I recently saw on TV: "the only limits are those that we place on ourselves". I think that one sentence perfectly embodies what I've been trying to say over the last 7 paragraphs. We are our biggest obstacles on the road to success. We are our greatest inhibitors. Everything is about mindset, and to be content is to condemn yourself to a life of mediocrity. (Just to clarify, don't confuse being discontent with YOURSELF with being discontent with what you HAVE or with those around you. What I'm advocating here is having a high expectation for yourself so that you can achieve better things, NOT being greedy and never satisfied with what you have or being an asshole and having unrealistic demands for those around you. Also, don't be so hard on yourself that it'll drive you to suicide. If you kill yourself in 5 years cause you're still not as rich as Bill Gates, you're missing the point! It's all about working within our means and success is subjective anyway).

I'm not saying a mediocre life is a bad thing; after all everyone have different pursuits in life . For me personally though (or at least the part of me that doesn't content easily), I want to get somewhere. I don't just want to be one of the pack. Therefore the first thing I must do is seek and destroy the part of me that contents easily (muahahahaha KILL IT WITH FIRE!!). Obviously mindset and hard work are only part of the formula. You also have to work smarter, take calculated risks and make sacrifices. None of these things are easy, but with the right mindset I believe I can get there. In the end, it's all about what you really want and what's important to you.

To conclude this post, I shall leave you with another famous Nutri-Grain quote (ah yes the all wise and sage Nutri-Grain marketing team, you are the source of my inspiration!):

"you only get out what you put in".


BW signing out.

I don't know why it's been so long since I last truly blogged...

It's not like I don't have anything to talk about. In fact, I have too much to talk about and often don't know where to begin. I don't know, maybe I've just been too busy living my life (not that it's all that exciting).

Anyways, it's been five months since I last did a life update, so where do I even start?? Think I'm going to talk about my job first, seeing as that was the topic of my last proper post.

As you know, I found a new job in August last year at a large consulting company as an Environmental Scientist and as a result left my old job at Renex. It has always been my dream job to work as a environmental consultant, and this job hasn't disappointed so far. It's rare these days for young adults to be working in a role which fulfill all three of the following criteria: 1) they studied in this area; 2) they enjoy what they do; and 3) they make a decent living. I think I've been very lucky to be blessed with a job where in my own opinion fulfills all three. Sure, I'm not making the big bucks like some of my peers, but between passion, money and fulfillment, I think I've striked a pretty good balance. It's been 5 months since I've started this role now and there is still so much to learn. I think I would be happy to stay in this industry (and possibly this company) for the next several forseeable years.

Other perks of this job over my previous job is that I have many colleagues who are similar in age to me. We have formed a small circle of friends who eat lunch together everyday and have a chat from time to time and it makes the time go by a little bit quicker. Our business unit also moved into a new office in the CBD in November, which has dramatically improved our working environment and subsequently my mood. I even have my own desk!! (Yes I had to drift my desk to desk for the first two months at the old office). The best thing is, I'm surrounded by other environmental professionals and I feel like I've finally found a place where I belong (professionally that is).

The end of the year has also marked my very first full year as a working adult. I have to say, on some days I really do wish I could go back to the Uni life. However I guess we all just have to face up to the reality that this is our life. But don't despair; according to the latest Seek ad, we only spend 13 years of our life working. Given the current life expectancies, that's less than 1/6 of your time! If you think about it that way, it's not that bad...

My desk at work :D

That's enough about work. During Christmas and New Years, I went back to China with Qz. She came to Melbourne a fews days prior to our departure, and we flew together to HK, our first stop. I've heard many good things about HK and built within my mind this image of a bustling ultramodern metropolis that still retained the excitement and colour and Chinese culture. Unfortunately, I was very disappointed. Maybe I just had too many high expectations for HK, or maybe it was a few bad experiences with local people that turned me off, but I did not like HK as much as I thought I would. It was actually quite a small city, with narrow streets and tight alleyways, giving me an overall sense of claustrophobia. The people too, seemed like they had some sort of superiority complex over mainlanders, which really annoyed me. I had this one particularly bad experience where we went to a old restaurant and the service was absolutely appalling. The waiters there, who were mostly old men, seemed to almost loathe our presence there, which really pissed me off because the first ethic of working in the service industry is good service.

So that experience really dampened my first impression of HK, although it is undeniable that the city in many regards is very modern (e.g. the infrastructure and making everything contactless in public bathrooms). The rest of our stay there was relatively well but it was hard to erase that bitter taste at the back of my throat. However I still enjoyed our stay in HK overall. It was Qz and I's first Christmas together, which was really nice. We celebrated by going to the world's cheapest Michelin Star restaurant (thanks Nick for the recommendation!), and it was absolutely delicious and we only spent $20 AUD each (almost made up for the bad experience the first night).

In front of the iconic Bank of China Tower!

lol @ photobombing couple 

Outside a temple (forgot the name)

HK Island skyline

情深深雨蒙蒙

Me and my friend Ruben, who was also with us in HK and Macau.

So we stayed in HK for 2 days and 3 nights. On our third day, we took the ferry to Macau for a day trip. I quite enjoyed Macau, although the weather wasn't very good and it wasn't as flashy as I thought it would be. Despite the wealth that the casinos bring in, many parts of the city were still quite old and somewhat slummy. The disparity between rich and poor couldn't have been more apparent, with poor people living in old run-down apartments while priceless displays are exhibited everywhere in the casinos. I saw intricate carvings made out of whole mammoth tusks on display, and giant sculptures made out of gold. The pure display of wealth at the casino almost made me sick actually, to think how it is possible for someone to be this filthy rich. But despite that, Macau was a pleasant experience, as the mix of Portuguese and Chinese architecture gave the city a really nice vibe, especially with the Xmas decorations around.

Trekking up to Guia Hill

The view from the top: more breathtaking than it looks actually.

Shot from the top with Grand Lisboa in the backdrop

In front of one of the mammoth tusk carvings. Must be worth tens of millions of dollars if not hundreds > <

Next stop, we travelled to Guangzhou. GZ, being the third largest and affluent city of China, was always on my list of places to visit, and it did not disappoint. We spent 3 nights there, where we stayed at the Double Tree by Hilton. It was our first time staying at a 5 star hotel, and I booked it because lets face it, you'll never find 5 star accomodation for $114 AUD a night anywhere else! So I thought I might as well take advantage of the cheap prices in China and live in luxury for once :P
As you would expect, the hotel room was amazing. It wasn't extremely big, but it was well decorated and furnished. The king sized bed which we slept on was the most comfortable bed I've ever laid on. Safe to say, we slept like royalty.

The city itself was also pretty amazing, but we were unable to take full advantage of our stay there as both of us were down with the cold. I caught it just the day before we left for GZ and Qz caught it pretty much the day after (such coincidence right?). But still, GZ city was as I expected - a large and ultramodern city. Two of my favourite experiences were taking a stroll on Shamian Island amongst all the European architecture and walking along the square in the 珠江新城 area, where high rises bordered both sides of a 'square' that extended as far as the eye could see.

Our hotel room :D

View from our room

lol yes there's a window between the shower and the bedroom.

After GZ, we headed to Qz's hometown, Changsha (which I think is also the hometown of someone I may know, but i don't remember who...). There I stayed with her mum and her mum's mum, so basically I was living in an apartment with three generations of women from the same side of the family and I was the only male, which was kind of scary at first. But luckily they made me feel very at home, it was like I was a part of the family. Changsha is quite a pretty city, especially when you're on Orange Island looking at the city skyline. However it is also a crazy city, where there are no traffic rules and pedestrians and motorists go whichever way they feel like! And holy crap, everything is so spicy! Even when you ask for no spices, it's still spicy, because Changsha people apparently do not know how to cook without chilli.

Overall I really enjoyed my stay, especially as I got to observe Qz in her 'natural' habitat (lol I sound like an environmental scientist...oh wait). I think I made a pretty good impression on her mum and grandma, but then again all I really need to impress is one woman ;)

After Changsha, Qz and I parted ways as I headed back to XiAn by myself. I was there for 6 days and mostly spent time with family. I did have a big night out with my uncle in law, where he took me to one of the most luxurious night clubs in Asia. I also met up with Eric, who happened to be in XiAn at the same time (you jelly Jeannie?). It was a pretty good night, and made me wish more of my friends could've been in XiAn, because it is one of the best Chinese cities to be in if you're a tourist.

After Xi An, I headed to Suzhou to see my uncle and visit my grandma's grave. It was the first time I was back in China since she passed away. I wasn't there when she passed away and I wasn't there at funeral, which are two things I will regret for the rest of my life. The visit itself was quite a heart renching experience. I guess I've finally experienced what it's like to lose someone close to you, it's just part of the things you have to deal with as an adult I guess.

My stay in Suzhou was brief, and my final stop in Shanghai was even shorter. I have been to SH many times and was only there to see my aunty. It was nice though to be able to take a stroll along the Bund again and lookout onto the PuDong skyline, and vice versa. On the way to SH, I had my first First Class Highspeed Rail experience. Hurtling along at 300km in a fully reclined seat in the empty First Class cabin felt really good. Watching the cityscape fly past my eyes, I had a feeling that I was somebody, and that I was going somewhere (lol you don't say Bobby!). But seriously, it felt really good!

The new Shanghai Tower that is over 600m tall.

The stopover in SH concluded my trip in China. In just under 3 weeks, I travelled to 7 different cities, 4 of which I visited for the first time. It was quite a fruitful trip and I have once again gained valuable new perspective on not only China, but life. I have come to the realisation more clearly than before that we are truly the inbetween generation, the Inbetweeners if you will - caught in between two cultures, never fully able to immerse in or feel accepted by one or the other. I guess that is just a sad reality I will have to live with, not that I regret anything as my multicultural upbringing has also given me a more international perspective on life.

Anyways its been almost two weeks since I've been back now and I've settled back into the rhythm of the routine work life again. However I do have one thing to look forward to: Qz is moving to Melbourne at the end of February. It will be pretty much exactly two years since I moved to Melbourne when she arrives, and our two-year long LDR will finally come to an end. There will definitely be challenges ahead as we move in together, but I believe if we've made it this far, we can go all the way.

That in a nutshell is pretty much my life for the past 6 months. Looking back on 2014, it's been a pretty good year. I've always wanted to flat with a friend, and Nick and I have had some good laughs together. I think I've also firmly established myself in Melbourne, and have made this city my home. I still really miss the people back in NZ, but it's nice that I've also found a good group of friends here. 

Theres actually so much more stuff I want to say on this post, especially philosophical, cliched, sentimental things, but I'll spare you the agony. All I will say is that I am very looking forward to 2015 and all that it will bring. 

Until next time my dear readers, this is BW signing out.

I'm really hungry right now.

Even though I just ate half a tube of Pringles, original flavour.

I know I haven't really blogged much in the last 6 months, but I will endeavour to make up for it soon, soooo...

Watch this space!