Moving to Melbourne

So last night, I moved into my new place and spent my first night as a independent man. Im living in a 90 year old house on a quiet street in the suburb of Coburg. Everything here is so quaint - the street, the houses, my room. My flatmates are a 20 year old Malaysian Chinese guy whos starting his Bachelors at Melb Uni, and a 37 year old Australian white guy who is studying Chinese and Asian studies. They're both great guys, and I can see us all becoming friends. Yet, the sensation of living with strangers is still very... strange to me, believe it or not. I was living with distant relatives for the past 5 days; although I did not know them, the family ties we had made the atmosphere much more homely. Now however, I am truly on mine own. Undoubtedly i am excited at this prospect, the novel notion of me finally gaining my independence. Yet the prevailing feeling that surges to the fore is one of solitude and loneliness.

Yes, I moved to Melbourne because I tired of Auckland. Yes, I wanted a clean slate and a new start in a place where no one knew me and the entire city was my playground, a place with endless opportunities for the taking, should I be willing to work hard enough. Yes, a part of me was running away. Away from the old me, away from my shitty academic history, away from a city of 1 million people, away from the people I know, away from my family.

But now that I am here, damn do I miss it all. I miss being so familiar with a place, I could just hop in a car and go anywhere I wanted to just from memory. Hell, I miss the convenience of having my own car and being able to go anywhere I wanted to go! I miss my family, my friends, even my acquaintances. I miss being able to see a familiar face, being able to look into their eyes and know that there is history between us. I guess what really ties us to a place is the people which resides in it. Home is not where you're born or where you sleep at night, its where your friends and family are.

Its funny how we never believe anything till we experience or see it for ourselves. Now I truly know the meaning of "we don't appreciate what we have till its gone". Moving to a new city on your own is not easy. Apart from finding your way around, finding a place to live, and getting settled in, there's also the emotional side of things. You're in a strange place full of strangers. You don't know the city, and the city certainly doesn't know you. I always thought that Australia would be exactly like New Zealand, but now I realize that I am still in another country, with its own rules, its own system, and its own culture. I am a foreigner in foreign lands. Its a challenge just getting used to the transport system here.

I guess im feeling the blues this morning. I suppose its a natural part of moving to a new place. You get homesick. I don't know anyone here. I can't just text a mate and ask to hang out, or grab some KFC and drive to a nice scenic spot. Sure, im getting slowly acquainted with my flatmates and they're both great people; sure I have distant relatives who can help me out should I really need it; sure I'll make new friends at Uni (already got some girl's number); but they will never come close to becoming a worthy substitute for my friends in NZ whom I grew up with and my real family. The friendships I have formed in NZ are those that last a lifetime. I will be very lucky if i can ever find the same kind of brohood again here in Aussieland.

But life goes on. I can't stay in the same place forever. I can't stay in my comfort zone forever. So it's better to venture out earlier than later. This is my chance to get a better education, to improve my chances of finding a good job, to live in a country that awards hard workers with a better life, and most importantly: to grow up.

I do not know this city yet, but I will. This city does not know me yet, but it shall. I think i need to stop staying in my room and feeling sad and go outside and explore the city of Melbourne. Well actually, just the suburb of Coburg for today.

五月天

"I met Bobby on the boardwalk, summer of '45
Picked me up late one night at the window,
He was 17 and crazy, running wild, wild."

My baby is coming back in 44hrs. 今天是我们的五月天 - the day of our 5 month anniversary. As usual, it'll be spent afar, alone, apart. Celebrated with a phone call, commemorated with a text. Even though we've been together for 5 months, it doesn't feel like its been that long. Maybe its because time flies when you're having fun, or maybe its because we've spent half the time hundreds and thousands of miles apart. To be honest, I don't know when the next time we can celebrate our anniversary together in person will be. Life is bittersweet right now. I've found my other half, yet I cannot be with her. I can finally study in Australia, but I don't have CSP. I guess everything comes at a price.

"Look at you, worrying so much about things you can't change
You'll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way."

I can't honestly say that these are things I cannot change. After all, I can just stay in Auckland and do my Masters here. But I feel like my destiny lies in Australia. This is my calling. This is my chance to fulfill my dreams.

love or career?

money or dreams? 

Things aren't that simple. Life isn't so black and white. These are not opposing elements. One of my dreams IS to make lots of money. Also, pursuing one aspect at one point in time doesn't mean I have to give up on another aspect altogether. Just because I choose career right now doesnt mean I have to sacrifice love forever. Right now, my priorities are to make something of myself, so im willing to sacrifice love for the time being so that it will last longer in the future. If I don't make something of myself, if I cannot provide for her, if I don't have a sense of purpose, if I don't pursue my dreams, I don't think I will be able to keep any girl for long. That's why I have to do this. Im doing this for myself, and for us.