5个paper比我想象得还要艰苦。我都快要崩溃了>.<"

要是我能坚强得渡过这两个月，天塌了我都能撑得住！！！

加油吧王子雨！！！
（自我鼓励~）

Every morning I'm embroiled in a battle.

It's a battle with myself. A battle to summon enough courage to face a new day, to face the world, to study, to complete my duties. It's a steep battle that i am never guaranteed to win. But nonetheless i try. At times when I'm on the brink of defeat; when i just want to stay at home and watch TV for a whole day, or spend my entire day at the internet cafe; when i want to neglect all my responsibilities and hide from the world; i think about my dream; i think about my future; i think about her, and somehow i manage to find the strength within me to cling on to the fight. I slip on my shoes, wrap my bag around me, put on a grimace, and step over the threshold into the sunlight.

So after more than a year...

i've once again signed on to another $15/month donation plan, this time with UNICEF.
I'm not entirely sure what compelled me to do that.
Maybe i just didn't want to say no to the fundraiser.
Maybe he was really persuasive and genuine.
Maybe i got swindled again.
Maybe i just want to gain some good karma.
Or maybe i've just regained my faith in the world. Regained faith in myself.

I don't know. I guess it was because on the bus on my way to uni, i saw a graffitti on the wall. It was an image of a white boy sitting by a pond, fishing without a care in the world. This was contrasted by an image a few metres away of a black boy in a bandana brandishing an AK-47. The symbolism was not lost on me. I thought to myself: "This is the world we live in."

So maybe, the real reason i decided to become a donor again, is because I don't really like the world we live in. And while many people of our generation today may feel satisfied by simply liking and sharing photos of starving African children on FB in the belief that their efforts will amount to something, maybe I just wanted to make a difference that's more substantial.

I guess what im really trying to say is, i think i've recovered a fragment of my old self - the person who wanted to save the environment and fix this world's problems. The person who gave a fuck. I guess i've regained a little belief in life again.

UNICEF isn't the most efficient international aid agency out there. But that's not really the point. The point is about choosing to be a little less selfish again. 50cents a day really isn't much, but it beats spending it on a cigarette. In a way, im saving two lives.

Why does time pass so slowly when you're studying =.="

我头都快要炸了！！！

Speaking of exploding heads, if Nick's head exploded would it be like today's Tongariro eruption?

I think i know why the gym is so crowded these days, everyone is inspired to exercise by the Olympics!

I wish i was the best at something in the world, or even just in my country. Even if its something obscure and irrelevant. Im not even the best at procrastinating, but im pretty damn good ;D

Okay back to study now...

This is the last time i will destroy something of my own because of an argument with my parents

Today my dad hit me. I suppose i deserved it. I kept playing starcraft despite him warning me not to, and he finally snapped. I've never seen him so angry before in my life. Yet somehow, i didn't feel upset or angry at all. He threatened to destroy my laptop, and in response, that's what i did. I smashed it to peices. Im not sitting here bragging, nor am i lamenting the loss of my laptop. That's not to say it wasn't precious to me. My laptop was one of my most prized possessions. We spent thousands of hours together over the past 3 years. But it seemed like the rational decision to make at the time. I backed up all my important files, then i destroyed my own laptop. It's stupid and immature really. It's not the first time this has happened - destroying something of my own to get back at my parents. The only person i end up hurting is myself. That's why, this will be the last time i destroy something precious to me because of conflict with my parents.

But on the bright side, i can't play starcraft ever again.

Its so hard to concentrate

Lately, i feel i've had alot of hate within me.
Alot of hate and pent up anger.
These negative emotions have served as the fuel that feeds the fire burning inside of me, motivating me and driving me with an almost fervent zeal to study.
It's as if i have a grudge against the world, and feel the desperate and sick need to prove myself.
I know this is wrong.
I don't have to prove anything to anyone.
But I can't help myself.
I thirst for success.
I hunger for it.
I crave it.
I NEED it.
I feel the need to prove myself to the world, to all those people who ever doubted me.
Prove myself to those people who looked down on me, who thought i wasn't good enough.
A part of me wants to be the guy, who people will hear about on television, or read about in the newspaper, and they'd say "wow, i used to know that guy."
Its as if to enact retribution, vengeance, revenge.
I know this isn't right.
It's not like ive been wronged.
Yet somehow i can't shake the feeling of indignation.
Nothing good will come out of a mindset like this.
There will be no happiness at the end of this road, only emptiness.
I wish i could absolve my hatred.
I wish i could let go of my anger.
I wish i could wake up one morning and know that my soul is free from the shadows of these shackles.
But I can't help myself.
This is what i've become.

我没事就偷着乐吧 >=]